1) "I'm so excited about something and I'm gonna tell everyone how excited I am! But I won't let anyone know what I'm excited about! I just want people to comment on this status and give me attention and ask me what it is!"
- Please delete your status right now.
2) "I just broke up with my significant other and I will let the whole world know that I am so 'happy' and that I don't cry about it every single night! And that I have been occupying myself with this one hobby and I will let everyone know that my hobby is all that matters to me. Nothing else. Not even him/her."
- Is that why you're on facebook 24/7 posting how life is so great now that you're single?
3) TV Show Spoilers who think they're not giving out spoilers but they mother effin are: "I can't believe so and so did that!" "Why was tonight's episode of 'show' so sad?" "I'm glad my pick is safe for next week!"
- Did you know that everyone has a dvr for a reason? So that people can watch shows whenever they want without people ruining it for them!
4) "I am so important I can get you in the list of this 'event' I am part of for 'some person'! Let me know if you want to be on the list because I can totally get you on the list!"
- No one wants to go to your event and no one cares about your person whoever the hell he/she is.
5) "I am so mad at someone I will post a message directed to that particular person but make it seem like I'm just making a statement about horrible people in general."
- Your way of therapy I guess?
I know this is my way of therapy. Lol. I guess I'm guilty of #5. Oh well. I feel better.