Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

John Mayer

It's not a silly little moment

It's not the storm before the calm

This is the deep and dyin breath of

This love we've been workin on

Can't seem to hold you like I want to

So I can feel you in my arms

Nobody's gonna come and save you

We pulled too many false alarms

We're goin down

And you can see it too

We're goin down

And you know that we're doomed, my dear

We're slow dancing in a burnin room

I was the one you always dreamed of

You were the one I tried to draw

How dare you say it's nothing to me

Baby, you're the only light I ever saw

I'll make the most of all the sadness

You'll be a bitch because you can

You try to hit me just hurt me

So you leave me feeling dirty

Because you can't understand

We're goin down, and you can see it too

We're goin down, and you know that we're doomed

My dear, we're slow dancing in a burnin room

Go cry about it why don't you

We're slow dancin' in a burnin' room

Don't you think we oughta know by now

Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow

"I think all of us wanna feel something that we've forgotten or turned our backs on. Because maybe we didn't realize how much we were leaving behind.

We need to remember what used to be good.

If we don't we won't recognize it even if it hits us between the eyes."

- Jenna, 13 Going on 30

As I was getting my morning cup of tea to start my day, one of the ladies at work and this other girl were having the usual generic work conversation…until the lady said something that made me think…

Girl: I can't wait for the end of this week.
Lady: I know. It's a short week too.
Girl: I love Fridays. Especially when this week's "Friday" is coming early.
Lady: Yeah me too. But don't you think sometimes, we just seem like we're chasing our lives away? We're always so eager for Friday to come already. It's almost as if we just want to get life over with.

After I heard this convo I thought to myself, she's right. We always want Friday to come. And when it's over, we're so anxious to get to the next Friday. And the next. And the next. And before we know it, we've been wishing to speed up 'life' so much that when we get to that next Friday, we don't realize how much time has passed and how much we've neglected the Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays that come before the long awaited Friday. I can't say I'm not guilty for being one of those people who live for each and every Friday to come. But it makes me think about all the other days that don't get much "supporters". Each of those other days might not be followed by the Saturdays or the Sundays of our lives, but most of our lives are spent on those other days. That’s 60% of our week. That’s like 60% of our lives! And Friday is just 14% (lol). So when you find yourself wishing Friday to come, ask yourself what Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mean in your life. Those are the days we spend doing what we love to do (our job), those are the days we spend most of our time with our loved ones (family/roommates), those are the days we spend most of our time to ourselves. I'm not saying Fridays shouldn't be loved, because I love me my Fridays haha. But sometimes I get so caught up with the anticipation of Fridays that I forget what the other days mean to me. And now that I think about it, the Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays of my life are pretty cool.

Monday – The start of the work week. The day when I’m constantly reminded how lucky I am to be in the working world.

Tuesday – The day I was born.

Wednesday – Hump Day. The day that proves that I have successfully made it halfway through the week.

Thursday – It's the day before Friday haha.

I know. I have too much time on my hands. I sound like I’m on crack or something haha. But seriously, who would've thought the break room would be a great place to gain some food for thought?

"Tell Mary"
Meg & Dia Band

Oh, play along, she wills it
Oh, Sunday came
Promised you'd tell her
She sat up in bed
Answered your call dear
Smeared purple and red
You're gonna leave her tonight.

She sat up with her eyes wide
You fell in love with a girl you knew
You've come to say goodbye
You're gonna leave her tonight
Under a cheap July sky
Tell her, Tell Mary.

After the first touch
Her skirt boring
Her voice deep and charming at first
You could make her come back once in a while.

If you painted a fresco
There she'd be with her powder half falling off
So perfect from far.

Meet me at the pictures Mary
Adam said that he was leaving
Meet me, meet me
You're gonna leave her tonight.

She sat up with her eye's wide
You fell in love with a girl you knew
You're gonna leave her tonight
And you've come to say goodbye
Under a cheap July sky
Tell her, Tell Mary.

"The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they're not, we cry."

Got this from roommate's blog. I'm bored too.

1. How old will you be in 3 birthdays?
26...I will be a quarter of a century plus one. Shit.

2. Do you think you’ll be married by then?
I hope not. Haha jk. Probably not.

3. What do you look forward to most in the next 2 months?
Getting fat from all the food during the holidays yuummmy.

4. Who was the last person you called?
The boyfriend.

5. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
Maria!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. Who was the last person to text you?
David - "B"... which I think stands for bitch. Thanks David.

7. Who was the last person you hugged?
The boyfriend.

8. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Resting on Daniel's bed to get ready to drive home from Irvine.

11. What were you doing at 11am today?
Grocery shopping at Food 4 Less.

12. How many states have you visited?
California, Hawaii, Nevada, New York, Virginia, Maryland, Georgia (I just copied yours roomie except for a couple haha)

13. If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be?
Anywhere I could go shopping haha.

14. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
Flip flops forever.

15. Are you a social person?
I personally don't think I am but I try to be sometimes.

16. What was the last thing you drank?
Water.

17. Favorite ice cream ?
Anything with cookie dough, brownie, cake, so basically anything fatty. Oh and green tea and ube (taro)!

18. What is your favorite dessert?
I love it when hot and cold are mixed. Pizookie sounds so good right now.

19. Whats your favorite color?
I love boring colors...black, white, brown, and gray. But I don't mind having some color sometimes...blue, pink, green, yellow.

20. What kind of jelly do you put on your PB and J’s?
I hate peanut butter. Except on bananas mmmhmm.

21. Do you like coffee?
Coffee has been my best friend lately and it's not good. I'm trying not to be dependent on coffee in the mornings.

22. How many glasses of water a day do you drink on average?
A lot when I work out.

23. What do you drink in the morning?
Mimosa. Jk I wish someone could make me Mimosas every morning haha.

25. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
Yes, I usually curl up on the right side of my bed.

27. Whats so good about Fridays?
It's not Monday.

28. Any plans for this week?
Work on my paper and be a nerd. Yeah right.

29. Do you eat out or at home more often?
I love my Dad's cooking.

30. How big is your TV?
It's tiny.

31. Ever stolen a street sign?
I don't think so.

32. Do you keep a piggy bank?
No, but I did have a glass teddy bear piggy bank when I was little. I wonder what happened to it.

33. What kind of camera do you have?
An old Canon one. I need a new one that takes hotter pictures.

34. Have you ever been in an ambulance?
No, thank God.

35. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
I don't know how to swim so a pool would be less scary for me.

36. Do you prefer a window seat in the car?
I prefer the passenger seat.

37. Do you know how to drive a stick shift?
Nope. My mom calls is stiff shick.

38. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
Anything girly: clothes, shoes, purses, make-up, accessories. Oh and food!!!

39. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
No, but I always have to have my pearl earrings on (if I'm not wearing my other occasional accesories) when I go somewhere or else I feel naked.

41. Can you roll your tounge?
Sure.

42. Who is the funniest person you know?
I know a lot of funny looking ones. Jk I'm not that mean.

43. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
I used to sleep with a bunch but they all end up on the floor when I wake up. So I narrowed it down to my panda and my black cat/puma/cougar lol I'm not sure what it is.

44. What is the main ring tone on your phone?
My phone's ghetto so I have one of the phone ringtones. Someone told me it sounded like porn music. I say it's a very festive ringtone.

45. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
No, I bet they won't even fit my pinky.

46. What is the color of your bedroom wall?
White.

47. Do you shut off the water when you brush your teeth?
Sometimes.

48. Are you crushing on someone right now?
One of the bosses at work is pretty hot. It's not really a crush, but more like eye candy.

49. Do you currently hate someone?
No. Annoyed, yes.

I always have to constantly remind myself that at this point in my life, I couldn’t possibly ask for anything more. Except I still do. It sucks when you can never beI satisfied with what you have. There has to be something more that you want in life and nothing can seem to fill the void.

It’s happening all over again. Just when I thought I had complete control over my life, they take it away from me, naturally. Not that this will stop me from going on as I please. It just makes it really difficult for me to be the good daughter that they’ve always hoped for. I’m a teenager once again, pretending that I’m okay when really, I’m not even close. Story of my life.

I hate confrontation. I hate drama. And I associate these two words with the term, communication, which I also hate because I suck at it. Like really. Which is why I think I can never make a relationship last longer than, I don’t know, the shelf-life of a loaf of bread. My sister said, “It’s not the end of the road, it’s just a bump in the road.” I told her it seems very petty. But if it is, then why is it bothering me that much? Maybe it’s because it stems from something way deeper than petty. Trust. This is exactly why I put up a wall every time. The wall just keeps getting higher and higher each time. I really don’t want to cry this time. It’s just not worth it.

Life has been so good to me lately that I haven't had the chance to stop by here even for a little bit. So here's my attempt to revive this thing once again.

As usual, life has been all about work, class, gym (kinda lol), and going out (haha). As for new updates, I found a new job. I'm gonna be an auditor! I know how exciting that sounds, but I'm currently in Atlanta right now for training. See how exciting it is? I have a car rental and everything! And I'm staying at this little hotel with a bunch of old business men lol. I get a laptop and a company credit card!!! I think I'm excited =D.

Anyways, ever since work and class took over my life, I have been going out non-stop. I'll admit it, I think I'm addicted to the lifestyle but can you blame me? It's my only way to relieve stress. Right roomie? Well, besides going to the gym, it's my only outlet of fun.

Please don't judge me.

I'm growing up. It's...different.

I'm trying to figure you out.

I don't usually do this. No, really.

I don't like letting myself go. But I did. Now what?

I hate to be vague, but everyone's doing it. So there!

"Do you regret it?" he asked. I said, no. I don't like having regrets. I want to believe that whatever I decide to do with my life is my choice. I am the only one who can control my actions. I made a choice, and whether it's the right one or not, it was mine to make. So no, no regrets. Which scares me a lot.

Don't know much about your life.
Don't know much about your world, but
Don't want to be alone tonight,
On this planet they call earth.

You don't know much about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say?

I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say?

And I had my heart beating down,
But I always come back for more,
There’s nothing like love to pull you up,
When you’re laying down on the floor there.

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say?

Don’t know much about your life
And I don’t know much about your world.

-Taking Chances, Celine Dion

Every fog, every rain, every thunder
On this road, seems like it will never end
So I stray and I wonder, I don't want to crash again
And you say, some things never get better
Some roads never get right
Sometimes people need more than what't inside
And I know, that you center me

Then one day, I'm the life of the party
I'm the real thing, I'm your everything
Then I fall from the grace, from the glory
I lose all my faith again
And you say nothings going to be perfect
Perfects all in your mind
And all these demons I can't give up this fight
And I know, that you center me.

When I lose my way, when anger fills my soul
When I get to high on myself
And when it gets too cold
Oh I know, you'll bring me back to life
Oh I know, you'll make it seem alright
And I know, You center me.

- You Center Me, Robin Thicke

I started reading, well more like listening, to the audio cd for this book called The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Since I don't have much time to do some leisure reading, my friend recommended listening to the audio cd of the book. It's funny because I don't usually read self-help books because it sounds like people who read it have serious issues in life haha but it's actually a pretty good book so far. I listen to it during my drive to or from work. One interesting point that the author talks about is the idea that people can blame anything/everything other than themselves for how they feel. For example, we get angry/stressed/sad because of school, work, family, friends, etc. We blame those things for making us feel the way we do because we don't want to be responsible for our problems. We blame it on other things so we can say that we cannot do anything about it because the problem isn't us. But the author says that THAT is the problem. We think we're not responsible for feeling this way, but we are. That when we blame our anger, stress, sadness on other factors, we let these things control our lives. We let external sources control the way we feel, instead of having control of our own emotions or feelings ourselves. He says we should change our outlook on these issues and start from within ourselves in order to see what the root of the problem is. That in order to feel the way we want to feel, to be happy and content, that we should realize what is it inside us that is keeping us from feeling this way. Look at oneself and look at these issues in a more positive light so that we ourselves could have control over our own self. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I know, easier said than done. He goes deeper into it but I don't wanna bore you with this. I just thought it was interesting.

I wish I had more time to read books for fun. I have a couple books I bought a long time ago and I still haven't read them it's sad.

I haven't been the best in being a friend lately. I've been trying to get in the habit getting enough sleep and excercise which feels great, but I feel like I don't have time for anything else. I am going on grandma status haha. Although, I wish I could also say that I've been focusing on my class, studying hard, blahblahblah. But I'm not haha. Which means I have to step it up because I have a test on Tuesday, a project due in a week, and finals are just around the corner. Oh the joys of being a working student.

I can't believe it's almost a year since I graduated. I feel like not much has happened since then. My cousin asked me if i miss college and if I wanna go back. I told her that I do miss it. But I dunno if I wanna go back. There's no doubt that it was an awesome experience, but I think where I'm at right now at this point in my life is good. This is where I want to be and it can be frustrating at times, but it's a great feeling to be able to plan bigger and better things that lie ahead of me.

I just wanna give a shout out to cousin Linds who was so cool to give my blog a makeover! I likes! Thanks ins! I lab it!

Now this motivates me to blog more. Haha. Actually, we'll see about that haha. Okai time to start my day the right way. Peace!

I had this bruise a while back. It was a huge one on my right arm. It was so big it looked like someone beat me up haha. Good thing my sleeve would cover it up so no one can see how bad it looked. It was kinda annoying because it took a while for it to completely heal. And when it did, well, it wasn't completely healed. I mean it did. But until now, you can still kinda see a mark on my arm. I just noticed that.

So okay, I'm not in love with my job as some people put it haha. My last post was my effort to stay as positive as possible because it was stressing me out so much. I needed to convince myself that I was there because I want to be there. Yes, it's a struggle, but who said it was gonna be easy right?

E4L was awesome as usual. I love these ladies from the bottom of my heart.

I saw Wicked with the bestest! I was in awe. Man, I wish my life bust out into song once in a while. Thanks roomie for the awesome present!

Since vagueness seems to be thing "thing to do" these days, here's my share:

I broke my promise to myself. I had three in a row. Shit.

I guess I don't love your smile that much haha.

Because I still love bad boys? Haha.

Just kidding. I have more important things to think about. Really.

I'm trying to be nice. Really. I'm trying really hard.

Consistency is all I'm asking for.

Am I the bigger person here or the stupid one?

I guess you have redeemed yourself. Actually, you didn't have to. You're always there when I need you. I hope you know I got your back too.

Okai, I'm gonna stop right here because I don't think anyone would really understand anything I'd put in here so there.

So I feel bad for never being home as much as my parents want me to be. Okai, I feel bad a little bit. But can you blame me if I'm at work most of the week, in class at night, and I want to spend my weekends hanging out with friends who I don't see that much? No! You can't! So there, I don't feel that bad for not being at home as much. Hmphf.

I can be the biggest brat in the world and my mom would put up with my bratty-ness somehow. I'm a horrible person.

David, you need to whore-ify yourself and you'll achieve great things. Look at me.

I miss you all =(.

I'm tired but I can't sleep. I hate that feeling.

I'm praying for you always.

Have an awesome week everyone!

I'm in a new relationship. It started out just the way it's supposed to, fun and interesting. It's the kind where I wake up every morning looking forward to spending my time and investing energy in it because it's something new and exciting. I can't get enough of it that it's almost addicting. I told myself that this is a start of something good. I want it to work. I want it to last. Inevitably, after a couple of months, I noticed some changes. Good changes, bad changes. Of course, I noticed more of the bad. Things started getting a little more difficult to understand, it wasn't as fun as it was in the beginning, and instead of being excited about learning something new everyday, I dreaded it. I was ready to give up. As usual. Same cycle once again. I ask myself why I always end up in this situation. Why does it always seem like once I'm up at the highest point, there's nowhere else to go but down. And once I'm down, I don't seem to make an effort to get up. So I run away, scared that I will be in that hole forever. It's ironic how much I fear I won't measure up to what is expected of me, when the expectations that I'm trying to meet are simply my own. I tried to toughen up, tried to ignore the real issues, and hoped it'll miraculously get better. Naturally, it didn't. It was at a point where I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about it. It was not the way I want to live my life. And so I knew it was time I stopped the ugly cycle. It was time to see what was weighing me down. It was time to see the good. It wasn't too long after that when I realized how much there is to appreciate in this relationship. It has definitely been the one thing that has kept me going all this time. It's been the constant thing in my life that I truly care about. I've lost sight of the fact that this has been what I've been wanting all my life; the experience of being considered as an important part of something great. I've forgotten how much I've sacrificed to get to where I am now. I finally realized that I am truly blessed to be part of something that I will spend the rest of my life trying to give my best in all that I do, not because I have to but because I want to. I'm in this relationship because I want to be. And I will do whatever it takes for me to finally say that I'm glad I've taken on this position because I am good at it and I enjoy doing it. It is a love-hate relationship, but despite the bad days (because there will always be bad days) I could honestly say that there are moments when I could just proclaim to the whole world how much I love my job.

Thanks for all the birthday greetings I am forever grateful for each and everyone one of you! Even though it seemed like my day was just like any other because of work and class, your birthday wishes made it more special. I love you all!