Feeling bleh. But trying to smile. I have a lot of shtuff to do this week so hopefully all this shtuff can take my mind off things.

Let's try to blog happy thoughts...

Sooo this weekend was gift shopping for people with sister. I thought I was gona spend ten million dollahs for gifts alone...but I ended up saving a lot. Yay for a smart shopper! It sux coz I didn't even buy anything for myself. But its okai, I like buying people gifts that I think they love. I hope.

Saw my cousins again. I love seeing them even for just a little whoile. They make my heart smile =).

Tita Ruth's surprise was fun...makes me happy to see people happy. She had no idea and she cried aww haha. Fun videos were the highlight of the party waahaa.

I'm gona close this with a forward I got from a friend. It's kinda what I'm going through right now. I'm not twenty-something yet but I could already feel it coming. Maybe most of you people will agree.

"Being Twenty-Something"

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you
will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One-night-stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself… and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

It's hard to live each and everyday without seeing You. How am I supposed to see the purpose if I don't acknowledge You? I never realized how hard it is to hold on. I never realized how vulnerable I can be until I couldn't see. Everyday, I run farther and farther away until I get to the point where there is nothing. I need You right now. I can't go on pretending to be someone I'm not. It breaks my heart when I pray and realize that I haven't been the person You want me to be. I've been struggling, and I keep on falling. I don't know where I'm going.

I hate feeling worthless. I hate feeling like a failure. I hate hating.

I'm sorry for not making you smile. I'm sorry for whatever I've done to make you unhappy. I can't be happy when you're unhappy. I'm sorry.


Sorry for my sad and random blog. I try not to blog about sad stuff but sumtimes it's my only way of letting it out. I have fun stuff to look forward to though. I mite go home again this weekend! I think that's fun stuff coz I like going home these days. Makes me happy to see my family. It's weird how I used to not want going home becoz I'd rather have fun with friends. But now my family's been my source of happiness, comfort, and strength. I love them all and I'm very thankful for their presence in my life.

I have one last random thought! It's kinda sad how sometimes the highlight of my day would be when I'd be watching my favorite shows like F.R.I.E.N.D.S, American Idol, and The OC. It shows how fun my life really is!

Have you ever had that feeling of unworthiness, helplessness, and guilt all at the same time? Story of my life.

I wana quit.

outlet stores for two weekends in a row...camarillo and citadel...woohoo. finally got the pointy shoes i want woohoo.

so ive been home every weekend now. its weird how i like going home a lot now. i miss having funtoimes with the family. been spending a lot of toime with my lola and my cousins too. i luv chillen with them. it's always full of laughs and food. always a good combination.

it jus sux sumtimes when i have to choose betweeh friends and family. coz i know ill always choose family. which sux too coz i wana spend time with friends too. i feel rilly bad when i cant please everyone. somehow i just feel the need to make everyone happy. ionow. im odd. oh well. sux to be me.

Once again...i jus wana say...
THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO CAME TO THE PARTY THURSDAY NITE! EVEN THOUGH THE LINE WAS WAY TOO LONG I RILLY APPRECIATE ALL YOU GUYS WHO WAITED AND PAID TO GET IN. :HUGS: FOR EVERYONE!

So today, I thought it was gona be a bright, bright, bright sun-shiny day rite...for WAYZGOOSE (UCI Open House). But nooooooo. They decided to make it rain and get me all soaking wet on my way to school for our WYSE booth. So I got there and turns out its cancelled. So great. Packed up, left, walked back to my apartment, got to my apartment door with my jeans dripping, and realized that I lost my keys. Awesome. Can you believe it?!? ME losing my keys?!? I don't lose things!!! No, I didn't cry. I didn't even panic. I was way pissed to feel any other emotion. So in the pouring rain, I traced my way back to where I passed on my way to sch, went back to where our booth was at, went back the any other place I stopped at, and found my keys! If I hadnt asked people if they saw my keys I wouldn't have gotten it back. Whew. Lesson of the day: Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find.

THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO CAME TO THE PARTY THURSDAY NITE! EVEN THOUGH THE LINE WAS WAY TOO LONG I RILLY APPRECIATE ALL YOU GUYS WHO WAITED AND PAID TO GET IN. :HUGS: FOR EVERYONE!

For those who couldn't come you missed out. You all suck.

JK! I still like all of you! But you bettah have a good excuse for not coming.

Types of people that bug the hell out of me:

1) The notorious seatmate who sit next to in class who move way too much, hog ur personal space, tap their foot on ur chair, or don't shower.

2) People I watch tv or movies with, who say the lines out loud or predict what's gona happen b4 it happens

3) Those who think they know everything and everyone before anyone else, making them feel "in" or cool or better than everyone

4) Anyone who immediately associates someone who has a lot of faith as someone who is narrow-minded

5) The Dirty Ho...not like that. Those who are unsanitary or jus messy or unclean

6) Those who think the world revolves around them

7) Being too dependent and needy

8) Extreme PDA

9) Those who can't go clubbing tonite


What's ironic is that I prolly am one of these. Scary scary thought.

I can think of so much more to put in here but I don't wana sound too mean.

Yes, it's that time of the month again ladies.


Last plug I promise...

WHAT: Clubbing night/Fundraiser party for my mentoring group called WYSE
WHEN: Thursday, April 15 doors open at 9pm
WHERE: The Pier in Long Beach...used to be called Live Bait
6251 E. Pacific Coast Highway
Long Beach, CA

Girls are in free before 10:30pm! BE THERE.

Okai so I'm gona be posting this over and over and over again until all of you get it. That's right you bettah get it!

WHAT: Clubbing night/Fundraiser party for my mentoring group called WYSE
WHEN: Thursday, April 15 doors open at 9pm
WHERE: The Pier in Long Beach...used to be called Live Bait
6251 E. Pacific Coast Highway
Long Beach, CA

Girls are in free before 10:30pm! BE THERE.

Chelle on my lamp that I just started using by my bed: "Oooh tha's so cool. I wana read now."

So my spring break was technically from Friday night till Sunday night. It was kinda weird how I really, really, really wanted to go home so bad. Maybe it was coz I was all by myself in the apt for a couple days and that wasn't very fun.

Before I forget...

APRIL 3, 2004HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE OLDEST SISTER IN THE WORLD! YOU'RE TOOO OLD SIS. ION'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU STILL CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAYS. GEEZNUTS. JK MWAH I LOVE YOU.

So Saturday was filled with family parties. Well, just two. That's too much for me though.

The first one was Nanay Tala's 80th surprise luau. That was fun coz counsins n everyone was there. Too fun when titas started dancing. WAAHAA cute.

The second one was this family friend party, who I do not even know, and I was just dragged by my mother to come (since my sister partied with her old friends and I couldn't really go party with them, I was kinda stuck with my mother). I was kinda entertained by the people singing the magic mic while getting drunk though. So that was cool. Left at around 2am coz parents were jus having so much fun with their peoples. Didn't wana ruin it for them so I just tried entertaining myself and called some peoples.

Sunday was church, Pat & Oscars, Michaels, Best Buy, and Loemans with sister. Yes, I am officially broke. Time to work more hours.

So I didn't really get to see old high school friends this spring break. That sucked. But it's okai coz I had good quality time with family and that's what I missed the most.

Today's the first day of spring quarter and I think I'm gona have funtoimes with my Advertising and Marketing classes...I hope. I'm just praying that I don't get stuck with not-so-cooperative teamates for the group projects that's worth half my grade or else.

Man I thought I would have written a funner post. Oh well, sux to be me. Will blog more later.

OOHH okai so I'm inviting YOU, yes YOU to a fundraising event for WYSE (mentoring group). Here's the info so far:

When : Thursday - April 15, 2004
Where: The Pier in Long Beach (Used to be called Live Bait)
Time: At night! Free before 10pm I think?

So you better come coz everyone who's anyone will be there. I'll post more info later when I have it. YOU BETTER COME OR ELSE...ionow. Okai fine if you come, I'll have a surprise gift for you!