Went to church at 11am then was supposed to look at this house that my mom wanted in Highland Park but couldnt get in so sux to be us. So we jus had a random family outing instead...San Antonio Winery in downtown LA. That would be a fun date place but kinda expensive. But neways I couldve done the whole wine tasting experience coz I dont think they wouldve carded me. I duno if that's good or bad. Haha but I didnt coz I'm too cool for that.

I wana blog about stuff but I'm not sure what. I feel like I have so much stuff to say but I'm not sure which one to blog about and I dont know where to begin or if I should even blog about it. I should rilly jus write in my journal haha. Iono why I have a blog. But neways...

It sux how I get sad for stupid reasons. Well not stupid, but more like shallow. I should just be content with what I have and be thankful for being alive. Thinking about what I don't have doesnt do me any good. It creates problems that arent even supposed to be there in the first place. Okai I need to chillax. Dang I'm hopeless.

BELATED HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Wednesday, November 26
Went back home Wednesday afternoon. Thanx Gladys and Tito for bringing me home! Despite the two and a half hour drive from Irvine to LA (yeahp we left at 5pm and got home around 7:30pm...crazy holiday traffic), I got that much sleep in the car so woohoo for me. Got home and was happy to see my family cooking stuff. Yay food! Watched While You Were Sleeping once again...stupid chick flicks *sigh*

Thursday, November 27
Thanxgiving...Tita Wally's new house in Rancho Cucamonga. This was the most bummiest thanxgiving ever...my cousins and I ate and then slept the entire time. Good stuff good stuff.

Friday, November 28
Shoppingtime. Camarillo outlets the whole day. Too much walking but its worth it when its shoppingtime. Realized how bratty I am coz wanted something from Puma and this Paul Frank thing but didn't get it coz it's too much says my mom. *sigh* haha okai im over it.

Saturday, November 29
Went to post office then had eyebrows done (but it looks the same to me). Mall for a lil bit then costco then back home to get ready for my cousin Jasmine's debut. Cousin looked beautiful of course, and the party was funtoimes all the toime. She had a Indian/Aladdin theme going on and it was coolness. The belly dancer was hot haha. My drunk kuya was hitting on my sister's friend (who was scared to death), my tita was balot-ing all the food in sight, sister was on flirting mode the entire nite, and my mom of course got a dozen giveaways jus for fun. My family ladies n gentlemen.

Note to self:
- Blog about that thing next time
- Stop being such a girl...it won't do you any good
- You need to get over it or you'll end up screwing yourself over
- Pray for a friend
- Do your homework (BWHAHAA yeah rite)

I'm liking it at home. I don't rilly wana go back to Irvine coz that means I have to do work again. But going back to Irvine means I'm gona miss home more... and I like that. It's better than not wanting to be at home.

Since I haven't blogged in a while, I'm just gona give a short recap of each day of this past week. Then I'll elaborate on the stuff that's been on my mind lately...

Thursday, November 13
- tired
- PCN info nite
- Kordilyera and Choir (or just one of those)

Friday, November 14
- Liwanag Sleepover
- Finding Nemo in Quenya
- Magic Mic
- Cranium all nite long (funtimes all the time!)
- Awesome prayer circle
- delirious sleep deprived nite with roomie n Janice

Saturday, November 15
- went back home to LA with Chelle early..slept the whole day
- Filipino party at Placentia...fun food and met cool people

Sunday, November 16
- papertoime
- couldn't get a ride back to Irvine till later...sorry joyce for not
making alto practice!
- mass at Interfaith
- benefit concert practice

Monday, November 17
- Gina's Pizza fundraising for WYSE
- THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOU GUYS WHO CAME AND SUPPORTED! YOU DON'T
KNOW
HOW MUCH IT MEANT TO ME (YES, I ALMOST CRIED DEMNIT) :
- gladys, tsai, rona, alisa, erica d. you guys rock
- cristina, leo, dee, david, francia, flo, nimz, gp, angie, you guys are

awesome
- finished women's studies paper...sleep deprived once again

Tuesday November 18
- didn't wake up to my alarm...late for work
- Via Dolorosa practice
- Liwanag meeting
- Meteor Shower with Cristina and Janice...loved it
- sleep deprived

Wednesday, November 19
- didn't wake up to my alarm clock..late for class...or jk..didn't go to
class
- WYSE...topic: relationships...build-a-bf/gf activity heehee
- benefit concert rehearsal (thanx marites for the prayer)

Thursday, November 20
- didn't wake up to my alarm clock...late for work
- Thursday mass...yay chicken!
- Studied at Laguna with Janice and Diana
- Via Dolorosa practice at Joyce's (Joyce is awesome coz she made me
cry)

Friday, November 21
- didn't wake up to my alarm clock...late for class
- Friday mass...more chicken!
- BENEFIT CONCERT: AMAZING EXPERIENCE (see below)
- ihop

Saturday, November 22
- slept in...tried studying for econ...didn't work
- Spectrum with roomie, gladys, and tsai
- Movie nite: Love Actually ... *sigh*

Sunday, November 23
- slept in again...tried studying for econ
- 6:30pm mass at Interfaith
- tried studying again

Monday, November 24
- True Disciples (TDG!) thanxgiving dinner at Francia's and Dee's!
yummie tacos n stuff and pizookie!
- THANK YOU SO MUCH CHRISTINE B. FOR DRIVING ME TO L.A.! YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME! (see below for the fun adventure)

Tuesday, November 25
- home...went to INS to do fingerprinting stuff for cititzenship stuff
- drove back to Irvine...ran to class and found out quiz is
cancelled...grrr
- thanxgiving prayer service..mini liwanag meeting...uv concert
(You rock Christine T.! and TDG family members Toni and Ed!)
- Tapioca Express with Liwanag...Doll House...chill at Cristina's


Alarm Clock
Yes I woke up in time for my midterm on monday! Thank you so much for waking me up...you know who you are.

Benefit Concert
I've been in choir all four years of high school and I have done how many concerts all those four years, but nothing (yes nothing) can compare to the benefit concert. At first I was just wutever about it, because I knew my family wasn't gona be there and I didn't rilly make such a bid deal about it. But a couple hours before the concert, I felt the nervousness mixed with tiredness and sleep deprivation. That wasn't good. But despite all that, I knew that it was gona be awesome. Everyone was amazing. It sux that I couldn't be part of the audience to see all the acts, but at the same time I was glad I was part of it. It makes me smile to hear people talk about how awesome it was for them, and how moving it was. Thank You so much for being there. Your presence is definitely the reason for the concert's success.

L.A. Adventure with Christine B.
So me n Christine were driving to LA Tuesday nite (out of the kindness of her heart...awesome person foreal) and I got all my freeways rite...except that we missed the 101. So we had to exit at some random street...ended up driving around this ghettofied part of LA for a while...and found out that we were in the East LA area...yeahp...Boyle Heights and fun stuff like that at 12midnite. So we were jus driving n driving...looking for a freeway...but couldn't find any...and then somehow ended up in downtown LA. Had a scary moment with this scary looking driver who was yellling at us...but it was all gud...we were jus driving n driving still...looking for a freeway. THEN...Cristina call me and asks how we're doing and obviously we needed help...so ended up calling GP for directions. Heeeheee. I love my Liwanag people. They always got my back. You guys rock. So got home around 1:30...too tired from the fun LA adventure. I actually had fun!

Stuff
I was talking to roomie the other day and of course we had another random conversation. This time it was about losing sight of things. It's so ironic how I've realized so many things just this past month, but I've also lost sight of the other things in life that are important to me too. When I think about how I've been living my life lately, it makes me happy to know that I appreciate things more now than ever before. But sometimes I forget that there are other important things that should be done too. I'm scared that I mite not be able to catch up and I'll eventually find myself down at the bottom again. That's my ultimate fear rite now.

Mom
I was talking to a good friend about the one aspect that will always be the most significant and the most influential in life: Mom. Of all the heartaches I've had in life, the ones that definitely hurt the most are the ones where I didn't have my mom's support. It's hard to pretend that I could stand on my own two feet and not care about what she has to say or
what she thinks about my actions and decisions. It's not easy to pretend that I could go on doing what I want without her blessing...because I can't. Sometimes I wish that everything could be perfect, that everything that I want for myself is what she wants for me too. I love her a lot and I don't want to disappoint her, and maybe that's why I've been trying so hard to be a "good" daughter, even to the point making decisions to make her happy instead of thinking of what would make me happy.

I'm gona blog soon about the past week. I've just been to tired n busy with shtuff. How tired and busy? Well, I usually wake up to my alarm clock. But for the past four days in a row...I didn't wake up at all and I was late to either class or work these last four days. Can someone please wake me up monday morning at 8am? I heb a midterm at 9 and I kinda wana be on time for that.

Seer


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Sunday, November 9
Tried to do work all day but didn't work. Roomie and David went to the Jason Mraz concert without me. Boo. Church with Dale and then Benefit concert practice at nite. Supposed to leave early but decided to stay and chill. Mhmm.

Monday, November 10
Visitor at work! Heehee. Had Cram nite since my roomies and I haven't rilly chilled in a while. Chelle baked better than sex cake (she would know) and we jus chillaxed n stuff like det. Loved Alisa's version of Mother Mary, "In the times, when I'm all alone..." Pretty nite sky. I love my roomies. No crying this time. Hahaha.

Tuesday, November 11
NO SCHOOL! Slept in and woke up at 1:30pm. Dude that felt great. Shar and Chang came over and we ate at Gina's Pizza (where liwanag people where at too). Gladys and Tsai came too and we jus ate then chilled at the apt. Tried to study for math midterm tomorrow but didn't work. Liwanag meeting. I just can't get enough of Liwanag. I love it.

Got home around 12 I think and it was time to study but it still didn't work. Sooooooooo just had a random conversation with Chelle of course. No crying. Hahaa. Slept at 5:30. Dudeness.

Wednesday, November 12
First time I missed a class this quarter. Aaaah I suck. Too nervous for the midterm. Took it. Eh. I don't know anymore.

WYSE after school. My mentee and I had a wrestling conversation. Haha perty funnie how I used to like wrestling too when I was her age. Sumtimes she reminds me of myself when I was little. I could tell she's a very shy little girl, but when I talk to her she has so much things to say and share to me. I feel very lucky to actually hear what this young girl has to say. It makes me so happy to see that she's actually willing to talk to me and she's not scared to be open. I just can't explain the sense of fulfillment in being a mentor. It doesn't even require that much work to be one...it's just a matter of being there to listen to what they have to say.

Got back home around 6:30..too tired...took a nice nap and then off to benefit concert practice at Interfaith. Had to walk in the rain (well according to Janice it wasn't raining but it was still cold n wet outside aayt). We practiced Via Dolorosa and I rilly couldn't tell how we sound like but I guess we're alrite? Hehe. Practice was over at 10pm, so we were jus chillen at Interfaith. Cristina, Leo, me, and chelle decided to go to Janice's dorm (Laguna) and chilled for a bit and ate her and Diana's food. You guys are great. Then we didn't wana bother Diana anymore so we all went to our apt and chilled there. Random funtimes all the time. I wish I could have both Cristina and Leo sing me to sleep every nite. You guys are awesome. Random conversations. I loved every minute of it. Decided to have a sleepover. Janice slept on my bed with me, Cristina slept on Chelle's bed, and Leo on the floor. It's amazing how I've only known these people for a couple months but I'm completely comfortable around them and I feel like I've known them for a long time. There's just sumthing about Liwanag that makes everything fall into place. I love it.

So I was at work today, sitting on my desk while pretending to do work of course. Unconsciously, I looked outside the glass window and who did I see? Cristina! I was so surprised and happy! She's my first visitor at work! See, it's little things like these that make my day. Yes, it may seem shallow, but to me it means a lot. You rock Cristina. I love you!

You think I'd rilly tell you? Bwaaaaahaha. Naw dawg.

Thursday, Nov 6
Busy day once again. I met my kasama family and theyre all cool! Too bad I couldn't go to the kaba meeting and hooters coz I went to Sierra assertiveness training for the youngns. Yih party room in 101 is da bomb! Hahaha. Funtimes with my Sierra family. So got home at about 10.. theeen i thought I was goin to bed early...but noooo. Chilled with Liwanag of course! Thanx to Cristina for picking us up...u da bomb. We were jus chillen in Interfaith then decided to go to Turtle Rock. Awesome place. Despite the ghost stories and me missing the shooting star, I had an amazing time. Fun talks and stufffff like det...mhmmm. I wana go back there! Who's down? No? Fine. So we jus chilled at the Interfaith parking lot afterwards, and jus had random talks. Random is fun. All the time. Got home about 3 i think. Toooo tired.


Friday, Nov 7
So I was in the Social Ecology I building that afternoon about to go to work. I was waiting for the elevator for the longest time, and when it finally opened two cops came out. There was a lady behind me who told the cops, "He went that way towards the dean's office. I'm not sure if he's still there. He was this tall, this kind of hair, this kind of shirt, blahblahblah." She was basically describing some man who was apparently some psycho dude wandering around the building. The lady cop interrupted her as if the description she was giving was useless info, and the cop's first question was, "Color?" I stopped and looked at that cop and she seemed to think that her question was the smartest question she could ask. I just went in the elevator, frustrated for some reason, and went to work disturbed.

So newaaaaaaaaaays this is what happened Friday nite...
I was supposed to go to commons with Rona, Alisa, and David coz it's buy one meal get one free on Froidays. They've been planning that since iono when so I said I would go. But then, Kathleen called me and asked if I wana chill with Liwanag people at Island's. So of course, why would I not want to? It's Liwanag! I was thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking. Then I thought some more. Part of me thought it would be rilly sad if I ditched roomies and David. The other part of me thought that I see roomies n them everyday neway and I don't think they'd mind. So I decided to go to Islands. I'M SORRY TO ROOMIES N DAVID! Even though I know you guys didn't rilly care, I pretended that u did neways. Hahaha. Chillen with Liwanag people is always fun. Fun birthday dinner for Leo haha. Thank you guys for a fun dinner! got back here early so that I could still chill with roomies n them. Sorry for not being able to go to the Cerritos vigil...I would've gone if I didn't feel too guilty about ditching people.

Ended up having a Newport sleepover with Alisa, Dale, David, and Rona. Shopped for junk food, drove around looking for a vcr, rented Candyman, and all that other fun stuff. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. I just need to stay away from mirrors thats all. So that's good. But it'd be a fun date movie. Yihaa. Slept at about 3 I think, on a semi-comfy couch thing.

Saturday, Nov 8
Had to be back at the apt by 10am to get ready for fun beach day with the mentees. Dragged David, Rona, and Alisa out of bed yaay. Got picked up by Shermaine, headed to Amy's house to get the food, then off to Corona del Mar. Got lost, but its all gud. I'm always lost. Got there and the weather was perfect. It was amazing. We thought it was going to rain today too, but I guess someone's been watches over us and just wants us to have fun. Thank you for the beautiful weather! I just cant emphasize enough how perfect it was outside. I was just laying there, feeling the nice breeze and the warmth of the sun. I love it. It was also fun seeing our mentees having a good time. They were having good bonding times with each other and I thought that was amazing. Just to see them have fun makes me happy and content. Good beach outing turnout!

So now, I'm just here chillen like a villain. Rona, Alisa, and David ditched me coz I deserve it. I guess I'm stuck with roomie again. *sigh* Haha jk. Perhaps another heart to heart talk will happen. Dude I'm tired of thinking about this sshhhtuff. Why can't everything just be perfect? Dudeness.


Okai now I know wut happened saturday...
So GP and Francia were bored and hungry so we decided to go to Paul's Place to eat some greek/mexican/american food. It was me, Chelle, GP, Francia, and Mel. Despite the snails/ slugs it was perty fun there. I liked my Chicken Mushroom Sadwich and the fried mushrooms. That was yummay. Then they decided to go to Jei's house which is approximately 12 minutes away from the freeway (is det rite?) and we jus sang along the songs in Beauty and the Beast, took quizzes and I found out I'm Mrs. Potts, and played musical games. Bwaahaa. Got home perty early and slept. Woohoo.

Monday night was a night full of emotions poured out, deep feelingsrevealed, fears and dreams shared, along with both sad and happy tears. It wasn't as much as a depressing session than it was a therapy session, where two people were brave enough to let it all out, without hesitation, but definitely a whole lot more of understanding for each
other. I'm not even sure how it all started, but whatever it was, I knew that me and my roomie both needed that moment.

You never know what someone's really feeling until they open up to you and everything is just said. As roomie says, sometimes you just have to take a moment and ask someone if he or she is really doing okai. Sometimes you get a good, simple answer. Other times, you get the real answer. The real answer is never simple, but is always truthful.

When I look at my life, I realize how much blessings I have received through the years that I have completely taken for granted. I've been too busy asking God for what I don't have, blaming Him for every bad thing that has happened to me, without even taking the time to stop and thank Him for what I do have in my life right now. There are times when I feel as though life is not worth living, simply because of all the heartaches that I feel at times. I realized how selfish it is of me to think that way. It is selfish of me to think that I have nothing, when in reality, I have more than I could ever imagine.

Father Pat once said, people may not remember you by your face or your name, but they will always remember how you made them feel (is that rite? well it was sumtin like det). I'm lucky enough to have experienced these people in my life. I don't even know why I deserve such wonderful people in my life. All I know is that they are all the answers to my prayers.

I know I haven’t been there for people when they needed me the most, and I regret that. I’ve been too busy to care about anything but my own little world. I’m sorry. I guess right now my greatest fear would be to lose the people who I have grown to love. I don't know what that would feel like, and I don't ever want to know. I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for running away. But I'm here now. I'll always be here.


Man… this is one random blog. I don’t know if I made sense at all, but it’s what I’ve been thinking about lately. I haven’t blogged like this in a while, and it feels good to be able to write like this again. More to come laterrrrrr. Payce.


Ooohhh thanx to roomie, Gladys, and Tsai for a fun girls nite out. Man we're pathetic.

And yay to Cristina, GP, and Leo for visiting us on Monday. You guys are awesome. Come visit us again! Please? Haha.

Reasons why i realized that sleep is not as important as i thought:

tuesday, oct 28
studied for two friggin midterms and prepared a presentation. guess wut time i slept! coz i dont know.

wednesday, oct 29
had a paper due the next day. soooooo basically did that the whole nite. had printer problems so that took another hour. so wut time did i sleep? hmmm...im not quite sure

thursday, oct 30
so i thought this was my fun sleepytime nite. but that all changed wen i got a fonecall...it went sumtin like this...

me: hey wutsup
cristina: hey wut r u doing tonite
me (thinking she was gona ask if i wana go to a bday surprise): hmm...nuttin i guess.
cristina: wut does ur schedule look like tomorrow
me: uhm...i have a 9am class
cristina: maan rilly
me: why wutsup
cristina: well we wana go to vegas
me: oh...wen?
cristina: in 30 minutes
me: oh crap....hmmm...:me thinking hard:...
*after some talking and convinvcing and stuff*

me: okai me n rona r down
cristina: cressa n rona r going!..okai we'll come get u.

so there yah go. we left around 8pm...it was gp, francia, leo, me, angie, rona, and cristina. interesting ride going over there...fun drivingtimes (sumtimes)...fun car rules...fun games (sumtimes)...fun hesperia (pronounced hes-pee-ria…not hes-pe-ria)…we got there I think around midnite. rona needed a potty break so i went with her to the bathroom...where she ended up going into stall with an old lady in it. BWAAAAAAAAAAHA. that was funnie. so neways we were jus walkin around...did the ocean's eleven ending with the walking away from the water thing. bwaaahaa. then gp n francia wanted to go to excalibur and gamble so the youngns just kicked it somewhere in there...more interesting fun times...gp ended up losing more than he withdrawed from the atm...sadnesss...so we decided to eat..but there were no open buffets around...so we jus went to stateline and me n rona ate our tiny sausages n uglee eggs and pancakes in a big ass plate. bwaaaaha. we ended up giving our flipina waitress a big tip...without giving our other waiter any. that wasnt good. so we headed back home and had more fun singing games n stuff like det. i was too tired so i was kinda falling asleep but everyone else seemed too hyper still. but eventuallly everyone got tired.

friday, oct 31
we got back from vegas around 8:30am. thanx liwanag people for a memorable thursday nite! u guys are awesome! so then i took a quick shower and then rushed to my 9am class. i was kinda late but i still made it. after that i had to go to the post office to get money order, then i went to the bookstore to get me a sweatshirt, then went to my 11am class...12:30 class...2pm class...3-pm work. DUDENESS. i did all of this without naps or nething. well i was falling asleep in my lectures but those dont count. i cant believe i went to all my classes. im so cool. haha jk. i jus hate missing class. im a nerd like that. so i went back to the apt and i jus needed to crash. so took a 45minute nap. then im off to monster massive.

it was me, david, jay, arnie, and a bunch of arnie's buddies. we got to the rave around 9pm i think. it was my first rave so everything was new to me. it was interesting. i didnt drop so thats gud. i think. haha. ooh and dale n george were there too. and tall tiff and her friends. and a whole bunch oh uci people. so i dint rilly know how to dance to that kind of stuff and i was feelin kinda awkward. but then later on i felt like i was rollin too and i was getting high off sleep deprivation...or maybe it was because of all the stuff that i was inhaling around me...wutever it was there was point where i felt that i didnt care about nething...no worries...no nothing...jus dancing. interesting times. but then later on i rilly felt the tiredness and i couldnt stand the smoke n everything. so i went home with dale and george. dropped off george then me n dale got lee's sandwiches. yummmmy. had fun times with dale....aaww dale and his promiscuous ways. bwahahhaa. so got back around 4am...had to wake up chelle coz i dint have my keys on me (sorry roomiee). had insect surprises like a spider and a big ass cockroach. is that how u spell that? neways finally slept around 5...way too tired.

saturday, nov 1
woke up around 2pm...practically wasted half a day. did nothing at all. jus sat around n ate. sad fone conversation. david came over to drop off my purse and chilled for a lil bit then had to kick him out coz its group date time with cristina. woohoo. it was me, chelle, cristina, maritess, jason and francia...kfc dinner and a movie; life of david gale. interesting movie. i liked that. so we jus watched n chilled and finally got home around 1 sumtin. and then slept. dayum it felt so good to sleep so early. thanx cristina for picking us up! and thanx to maritess for bringing us home!

sunday, nov 2
woke up around 1pm. man that was the best sleep ive had since iont even know. and now its time to be productive. i think. ionow. we'll see. ooh thanx to chelle's dad tito dennis for cooking us some fried rice, eggs, and spam!

oh and happy birthday to tc and leo today!

so thats my sleep deprived week. u can actually survive without sleeping for how many days. yeahp its fun. especially those delirious moments. its like heaven. bwahaha jk. i think i should go back to sleep. sleep is good...sleep is fun....sleep is great...sleep is my best friend...sleep is awesome...sleep is alkjsaldasm,n,ab,moqi.....ZZzzzZZZzzZZ