Before anything else...HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! Even though you don't read this, you deserve a shout out haha. Okai neways...

So, I'm officially in the grown up world. Sort of. I'm working full-time at a hospital in west l.a. in the accounting department. That means, waking up at 6am, Monday-Friday, so I could get to work at 8am, and leave around 5pm. I had a part-time job at the mall for a little bit but I couldn't stand working in retail in an only-rich-people-could-afford-to-shop-here-mall because prissy customers just don't help when they look at you like you're some "commoner" haha. Ionow. Wutver I'm over it.

This might sound a little nerdy, but I really enjoy what I do at work. I mean yeah, how exciting can accounting be, but I guess it's the fact that I'm part of something where what I do is important and not overlooked. It's a little overwhelming sometimes when I realize how much one simple mistake in my job could cause major problems, but it makes me want to work harder and to care about what I do.

I apologize to anyone who I haven't seen/talked to/acknowledged(haha) ever since I started working. I was so caught up with working so much (40 hours at my full-time and almost 20 hours at the part-time job which equals almost 60 hours of work each week) that I seriously didn't have time for anything/anyone. I didn't really realize how I was trying to kill myself by working that much.

I was so distracted by work that I never really had the chance to breathe and think about anything else. It sucks when you forget about everything else that matters in your life. It made me really sad when I thought about all my friends that I haven't seen or hung out with. It sucks even more when I feel like I'm slowly being phased out because I haven't been around. I feel like I'm really not part of anything anymore except work. And that scares me. I'm scared to hang out again because it's been a while since I've done that and I already know that I'd feel like the outsider who doesn't know the inside jokes. It's such a horrible thing to feel like I'm being punished for choosing to move on with my life.

I'm not being emo. I'm actually content with my life right now. I just really miss my life before this whole grown up thing happened.

Newaysss, I agree with roommate about spending money on loved ones. I worked a lot because I wanted to give the people who I care about the most the awesomest presents this Christmas. I absolutely enjoy giving people the presents that they want and see the smile on their faces when they open it.

I've been thinking a lot about my future lately. It kinda scares me to not be able to predict where I would be in a couple years. I guess I'm the type of person who has to know exactly where I'm headed. I absolutely have to have a direction or else I'm screwed. But then someone made me realize that, if I always worry about what's gonna happen tomorrow, then I'm gonna completely miss out on all the good things that happen today. So don't worry about what's to come until you absolutely have to. It'll make you happier and younger. Haha I sound like a friggin grandma.

Have a safe happy new year my babies.

People fall down. It doesn't matter how careful they are with each step they take. They are all bound to fall down. People hold their heads up high, afraid that everyone will see the defeat they feel deep inside. No one ever wants to be vulnerable in the eyes of others. It's funny how people try so hard to be humble, yet they hold so much pride in pretending they're okay, that they don't need anyone to pick them up when they're too far down to get back up.

I fall down. It doesn't matter how careful I am with each step I take. I am bound to fall down. I hold my head up high, afraid that everyone will see the defeat I feel deep inside. I don't ever want to be vulnerable in the eyes of others. It's funny how I try so hard to be humble, yet I hold so much pride in pretending I'm okay, that I don't need anyone to pick me up when I'm too far down to get back up.

Luckily, there are people who are there to pick you up. They're the one's who have been there since the beginning. Maybe not all the time, but during the times that mattered. You can try and push them away until it hurts, but they won't let you do that. They won't ever let you hurt.

So you give in while losing all your energy in shutting them out. You let go of all your anger and frustrations. You let go of all that is negative. And in the end, all you have left is hope.

I fall down, but I get back up. No, I can't do it on my own, but I can do it with you. Thank YOU.

I'm glad I did not and will never go through it alone.

Thank you for all the prayers. All my prayers have been answered =).

This poem was written by the beautiful women of WYSE (Women and Youth Supporting Each Other) during my last year as a mentor. All the mentors got a framed copy of it and it's sitting next to my tv in my room. I just wanted to share it because I'm feeling a little inspired.

_____________________________________________

Strength

lies in her eyes
behind the tears she cries
in the injustice she defies
and without asking why
she makes that sacrifice
by her own device
makes the world look twice
and under her wing strengthen ties
uplifting others with the hope she provides
she and many others touch millions of lives
their strength we seek to emulate
we are the women of wyse

______________________________________________


So I've really, really, really been wanting to get cute colorful rainboots since last year but I think I didn't get them because the rainy season was almost over when I thought about getting them. Just a random thought. I've also been bugging my parents to get a dog. I've been wanting to get one since I can't even remember but I couldn't get one because I was way too busy and poor haha. But now, I'm at home so it's easier to have one. I either wanted a yorkie or a maltese because they're so weetle yes they are they're so very weetle *in a baby voice* haha.

I'm in love with the song "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure and Katie Melua and Taking Back Sunday right now. Haha yes, I'm in love with all three versions. They've been showing Just Like Heaven on HBO and I just can't not watch it everytime. Haha I'm such a girl.

I really, really, really wanted to see Tyrone Wells perform at the Troubadour tonight but I had no one to go with *tear*. It's your fault Pam. Haha. Did you know he was UCLA graduate? Apparently my sister "knew" him before I did. Ugh wutever. I think I'm in love with him.

I bought the first season of Grey's Anatomy and after I finished watching it I couldn't wait to get season two. So I rushed to Walmart because I figured that's where it would be cheapest but it was $48. Mayn. I really need a job. Obviously, I didn't get it. I'd just have to wait till my birthday or sumtin. *sigh*

So, I think I've thought it through. I'm not gonna take it. Long story. But I really have thought it through. One might say I've wasted all this time, you know, one minute thinking I want one thing but then the next minute I don't, and just completely not knowing what I want in life blah blah blah. But I disagree. I think I really needed all this time to figure out what I want and where I see myself in the future. I think I'm pretty confident with my decision. Okai, scratch the "I think" and "pretty". I'm confident with my decision. I hope.

My room is going through a major renovation. Well, not really. I'm just putting new furniture to make it look like how I wanted it to be in the first place. I'll post pictures when it doesn't look like a trash dump in here anymore.

David and Rona, just get it over with and have sex already. Haha no? Just me? Okai.

I miss you roomie. I'm sad I don't know what your blogs mean anymore. Like at all. Well, except for "Maybe next time." Haaaaha.

I miss Liwanag and PASS people. I shall come back soon when all this job hunting madness ends.

Can I just say that Jury Duty can suck my ass?!?! Jury Duty can suck my ass!!! I have other important matters in life that I need to deal with than go to this. Ugh I'm so annoyed.

I think I should sleep now.

I'm good. Better than last week. I can almost see the light.

Praying for everyone who's going through stuff. It all works out in the end. Just trust.

I should really listen to myself more.

i am meechy keen: my cpr partner was hot
buthafly: u can save lives now
i am meechy keen: i'll try
buthafly: bwhahaha did u get to save his life
i am meechy keen: he saved mine
i am meechy keen: bwahahah

nnnnyyyyyaaaawwkkk hahahahaha i love my roommate.

I was feeling a little nostalgic the other day. It's amazing how so many changes can happen in just one year. I just wish life was as fun and easy as it was a year ago.

Don't we all just wish that life could go from harder to easier instead of the other way around, so that the hardest part would be over before the easy part begins? Everyday I feel like I'm faced with making decisions that could make me or break me. Why can't it just, I don't know, make me? I don't think I've ever been so confused in my entire life until now.

I love how I have all the time in the world to watch tv now. I never had the time to watch tv all throughout my four years of college. I'm trying to catch up with the Grey's Anatomy hype since I never had the chance to watch it on Sunday nights because of PASS meetings. Can I just say that I think Dr. Bailey is my favorite character in that show. She's such a strong and smart woman that they seem to make her imperfections still so admirable. Man, she's super cool.

Pam, you will be missed greatly. I'm so proud of you taking this big step in your life. You are a brave one. I love you. And as you would say, "Goodbye forever." Haha jk e-mail us and I promise I'll e-mail back.

One would think that since I am "in between jobs" right now that I would just be sitting on my ass all day everyday. But I surprisingly find something to do somehow. Well, kind of. Like last week I was practically in Irvine the whole week. Thanks Pelican Bay and Laguna Hills townhome (wow you guys should have a name foreal) for your hospitality. This past weekend was supposed to be eventful but not really. Had fun partying with the Immacers for the past couple weekends though. We should do that more!

Anyways, I need to get started on my arts and crafts project for the Christmas season. I think I'm excited.

You wanna know what's ironic? The ball's in my court, but I need balls.

I need direction.

I need You.

Prayers please.

Moving down the highways of my life
Making sure I stay to the right
So I can't be concerned with the other side of the road
Reading all the signs along the way
Knowing what I am by what they say
My destination's closer day by day
So I can't be concerned with the other side of the road

"Maybe pain is there for a reason." - Dr. Bailey from Grey's Anatomy

Thank You for answering my prayers. Now, I need Your guidance.

As I promised ten million years ago, here are some pics of my whole summer. I repeat, these are just SOME pics of my summer. It would take me forever to post all the goodtimes pics of these past couple months. Enjoy. Yay summer '06!

Move out day  

Mass on the Plaza '06 

Hapburdy Rona! 

High school crew back in action  

Beach day 

Goldilocks and Red Ribbon day of fun! 

GSA RA trip to TJ and SD (yes, you too roomie)  

The TJ crew L-O-L 

Hapburdy Joe! 

Hapburdy David! 

The love of my life (the one on the left) haha he's so little! 

Working hard  

GSA love taken from Angie's camera 

I'm excited  

Fourth of July partaaaay 

SF with PASS  

Oh 442 Stanford Court

This is gonna be a semi-emo post. Well, actually it's not even semi. It's really emo. As in SuprEMO. HAHAget it supremo, super-emo? No, just me? Okai no, not rilly. It's just emo. It's good emo though. It's like aaawww okai. Okai enough intro sorry here it is...

More than a year ago, June 2005, the residents of 442 Stanford Court went their separate ways (well, kind of) to spend their summer far, far away from home. I still remember being really emo about it even thought I was extremely excited to spend summer of 2005 in D.C. I remember moving out all our stuff to make room for the temporary 442 tenants. I thought to myself, man, this is a preview of what it's gonna be like in a year, the end of senior year, the end of college life. I'm gonna be this emo but worse. Haha.

A little over a year later, after living there for three years, on Saturday, September 30, 2006, 442 Stanford Court officially moved out. (By the way, thank you for everyone who helped us move out. You are friggin awesome). It truly is the end of an era. 442 Stanford has given me a whole lot of memories, both good and bad. Of course, the good ones are the ones that stick out the most. That apartment may have been the dirtiest apartment in the whole wide world but I still love it nonetheless. Despite the tiniest rooms, the most grody kitchen ever, and one gross bathroom shared by the whole world, I wouldn't have wanted to live in any other apartment for all three years of my college life. All the secrets and "moments" shared in that patio, the front door step, the living room, the master bedroom, and of course me and roommate's bedroom, will never be forgotten. Thank you 442.

The car ride home after moving out was filled with mixed emotions. I was very successful in holding back the tears halfway through the drive but then it just came when Something in Between by Lifehouse started playing lol. Sorry, it's my emo song. So there, I have emotions. It's very hard to explain what I was feeling. Of course I was sad, but at the same time I felt good. Yes, it is the end of an era, but it's also the start of an awesome new beginning. I know it sounds cheesy, but if there is a perfect time for change to begin, I think this is it.

Thank You for giving me these four awesome years of college. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to serve You through all my experiences in Irvine. Now it's time for me to continue serving You through my family and friends back home.

Shoutouts to the ALL residents of 442, the real ones and the honoraries. You are a real one if you have lived there for more than a week. You are an honorary if you have either slept over or you were a boyfriend or a "boyfriend" or boy friend LOL. You have given 442 the best memories.

Okai, I know it sounds like I won't see you guys ever again. Don't worry, I'll come visit. Maybe not everyday, but I'll be there. I promise LOL HAHAHA okai sorry inside joke. Feel free to come visit me anytime. I have a full bed AND a twin haha.

WANTED: Designated event coordinator to let me know of all the Irvine happenings since I won't be in the loop anymore. Roommate? Do you want the job?

That's it for now. Until the next blog.

442, I love you. Haha. Okai I'm done.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooo it's been a while kids. Sorry! I just never was in a blogging mood these past few months. But anyways, this has been an awesome summer so far. Too bad it's almost over. Been hanging out a lot, looking for a job in LA, which sucks btw, but I've managed to stay as positive as I could possibly can. It's kinda working. I'm actually looking forward to moving back home. I think it will be good. I'm trying to convince my parents to get a dog. I want a Yorkie but my dad said it's ugly haha. Oh parents.

No more negativity. I'm at peace with it now. Foreal this time. Haha.

It started and ended at the perfect time. Hey, it was fun (harmless) while it lasted haha.

I miss you roommate. I shall sleepover when I'm homeless in Irvine for good.

GP you will be missed A LOT.

This quote is kinda cheesy but it kinda made me feel better when I read it:

"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you." -Christian D. Larson

I'm done. Or at least I think I'm done. Just when I thought I was at peace with it, it's coming back to test my patience once again. I don't even know why I bothered. I'm just really annoyed. Look who's talking. You know what, I'm done.

So anyways, I'm doing great! Having funtimes all the time with the crazy RA's and the Friday clubing crew. It's my last "free" summer so it's time to live it up right?

Yes, roommmate. New harmless fun. Good-new. Good, fun and exciting new. I likes. Dude, I have a story. I'll tell you when I come home. IF I come back home. Haha.
Edit: Okai, I just talked to you and so I don't have to go back home. HAHA.

Just for fun, this is for David, Angie, Joe, Dean, and John: I love Chemistry. I'm TA-ing Friday AM next week. I think I'm excited. I hate you guys. Haha.

Accents make a BIG difference haha.

This is the game of snaps. *snapsnapsnap*. Hot days like these make me a little cranky. *snap* Too bad I take it out on the kids haha jk. *snapsnap* Yesterday was a good day though =). *snapsnapsnapsnap* *snapsnapsnapsnapsnap*

Yes, I'm done. *snapsnapsnapsnap* *snapsnapsnapsnapsnap* Really. *snapsnap* For now at least. *snapsnapsnapsnapsnap* Come visit me at Rivendell 310. Keep it on the dl. *snapsnapsnap* Now. Go for it. No turning back now. *snapsnap* *snapsnap* Done. Yeah, I like them bad.

I never thought working with kids could be this tiring. But believe it or not, I'll definitely miss GSA when it's over. Despite the bratty and attitude-y moments from some kids, there's still good times of course. Oh kids.

I love the E4L crew with a passion. Dude, if we could all just move to New York we'd be Sex and the City. And yes, I would do it too.

I just typed up everything...and I mean everything that I've been wanting to say. And then I deleted it. Doesn't it suck when you have to "be vague" or "pull a meechy" just so you could kinda let out what you want to say without really saying it? Haha not really. It's funner this way.

Hung out with some people who I haven't seen in a while. It was really fun because it's been a while, except I really felt like I was out of the loop. I'm the stranger who doesn't really know what's going on with everyone. I'm the one who doesn't get the inside jokes or when the next time they're hanging out. I'm the one they have to explain stories to when they laugh about something I don't get. It made me really sad. I'm trying really hard to hang out with as much people before this summer ends. But I guess I'm not trying hard enough.

Two weeks ago I had a realization that I'm way too weak. So, I decided I'm just gonna stop. So I did. For a good two weeks. But now it's back. And I'm back from where I started. I think. But it's happening all over again. The cycle that never ends.

Dude, I seriously look like someone beat up. Haha I'm not kidding. Thanks for driving back with me. I just hate driving back at night by myself.

No, thank you. Not interested. Not sure when I'll ever be.

Shopping is the devil. Especially when you're sad. Hahaha. Seriously.

“The strength of women is the pretense of weakness, and the weakness of men is the pretense of strength”

Got to spend time with Him last week at the blessed sacrament. It was almost like He knew it was time for that talk because it was perfect timing. Thanks KJ.

Prayers for a friend and his family. Prayers all around for everyone who is going through hard times.

I'm kinda excited for the end of August =).

I graduated. Yay! It’s over. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I’m better now. Not completely, but I’m getting there. It just takes a lot of faith and hope for optimism. I think I’ll be completely good once I find a full-time job. But for now, being an RA for middle school kids is gonna rule my life and it’s awesome. When that’s over, moving back home is the next step. It shouldn’t be that bad. Trust me, I’ve thought this through and I know it seems like a big change but I won’t disappear in the face of the world. I’ll be around. I promise.

So I’m gonna pull a major Meechy starting here so if you don’t understand the underlying meaning of what I’m talking about, then that’s goood coz that’s exactly what I’m trying to do haha.

So, I had this game plan right. I had it all figured out. I told myself that I was in the place I’ve always wanted to be in, I have the right mindset, I have control, it’s gametime. I have my tools ready and everything. I even have a back-up. But then I realized, this is too easy. What’s going on? There has to be something wrong. Am I missing something? Yes. I still haven’t decided whether I want to play or not.

Oh the games that people play. You gotta love ‘em or hate ‘em. I think I hate them right now.

The bruise on my right arm is healing. That’s a good sign I guess.

I have new ones on my left arm though. I think it’s worse this time.

All the signs say go. Seven times since Saturday night to be exact. Everyone’s been telling me to go for it. I have all the right in the world to do it. Then why am I still hesitating? Maybe I don’t want to do it for the wrong reasons. Maybe I just don’t want to. But then again, it’s not gonna hurt to test it out right? I don’t know. Whatever.

Deborah Cox and RL are making complete sense to me right now it’s really not cool.

Happy Fourth of July kids!

 

 

 

 

 

Mmmmm sansrival  

I heart my roommates 

Yay graduation! 

PASS board at banquet