Really random thoughts that have accumulated in my head these past few weeks…


You know the cliché, you never really know what you have until it's gone? Well, I think it's bull. Haha. I think we know exactly what we have. We just take them for granted. We know it's there, but we choose to ignore it. We want to believe that it will always be there, and that it will never leave. And when the time comes when "it's gone", that's when we start paying attention.

I always wanted to think I'm the type of girl who is strong, independent, does not/will not let anyone control my actions. I thought I would never let anything get in my way to do whatever I want. I always thought I was the type of girl who knows the right thing to do, and by the "right thing", I mean the logical thing. I thought nothing can ever penetrate the "wall" that I put up. I thought my mind would always dominate my heart. But I realized that this is not who I really am, but it's who I want everyone to believe I am. I never wanted to admit how important it is in my life. I didn't want to be that kind of girl who I've always criticized. I hate to think that that's who I've become. But really, I've been in denial for so long that I think it's about time I realize that it's okay.

I passed my class. But seriously, there was a huge possibility of me failing that class. I swear, I counted my points and everything. But I guess studying for that final paid off. Even though it was somewhat difficult for me to concentrate at the time, I guess it worked. I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I didn't pass. I know it doesn't really matter now because I graduated and everything, but of course the thought of failing something never feels good. I guess I deserve the scare since it was completely my fault for not doing better in that class. I could've easily gotten a better grade if I wanted to. But I chose not to. That's another way of saying I was just lazy, and well, a little distracted. Oh, Cressa the things you do.

The holidays will always be a constant reminder of how fat you are/you will be. Wait, lemme edit that. My grandparents will always be my constant reminder of how fat I am/will be. Like literally. They remind me. Every year. To my face. It's like dude, do you think I don't know that? It's like they don't think I know I'm fat that they have to give me a reality check or something. But seriously, tell me something I don't know. It's like me telling them, "Gosh grandma, you're so old and wrinkly. Stop aging!" Lol. Okay I'll stop. I'm just really annoyed.

I never let a good opportunity pass me by. At least I thought it was a good opportunity. It was an opportunity to start over and see what else is out there for me. I said no. It was a perfectly good opportunity of starting something new and exciting. I think. Haha. But I guess it wasn't that great to begin with if I didn't go for it. Right?

Have you ever had those moments when you think you know how you would react to a situation, and you do the complete opposite of what you would normally do? And then you're going crazy thinking how you could possibly be acting the way you're not supposed to, and then you get all confused and even crazier because you can't seem to stop feeling the way you're feeling, and you don't know when it'll ever stop. Yeah, I think I'm going crazy.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. No one can make you feel inferior without you consent. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Damnit, it's not working haha.

I've been let down so many times in my life I should be immune to it by now. But I'm still not. I wonder if there's a drug or a vaccine I could take so I could be "immune" to it. Haha I'm so lame.

If I was a guy, I wonder how I'd be like. I think I'll be a really good boyfriend. But then again, maybe I'm just saying that because I'm a girl and I know what's it's like to be a girl *sigh*

I saw P.S. I Love You with the ladies this past weekend. The one Saturday night I don't party, of course is spend bawling to a chick flick.

But in the end, despite all my rants and raves, there are still no words to express how thankful I am for all the blessings I've had up to this point in my life. I have great friends, a good job, and a very loving family (haha). What more could I possibly ask for? Well, lemme just tell you what. Haha jk. Okay, not really. But seriously, there's no doubt that I have been given everything I could ever need, and I am forever grateful for all that. Thank You for everything.

Time to focus.