I graduated. Yay! It’s over. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I’m better now. Not completely, but I’m getting there. It just takes a lot of faith and hope for optimism. I think I’ll be completely good once I find a full-time job. But for now, being an RA for middle school kids is gonna rule my life and it’s awesome. When that’s over, moving back home is the next step. It shouldn’t be that bad. Trust me, I’ve thought this through and I know it seems like a big change but I won’t disappear in the face of the world. I’ll be around. I promise.
So I’m gonna pull a major Meechy starting here so if you don’t understand the underlying meaning of what I’m talking about, then that’s goood coz that’s exactly what I’m trying to do haha.
So, I had this game plan right. I had it all figured out. I told myself that I was in the place I’ve always wanted to be in, I have the right mindset, I have control, it’s gametime. I have my tools ready and everything. I even have a back-up. But then I realized, this is too easy. What’s going on? There has to be something wrong. Am I missing something? Yes. I still haven’t decided whether I want to play or not.
Oh the games that people play. You gotta love ‘em or hate ‘em. I think I hate them right now.
The bruise on my right arm is healing. That’s a good sign I guess.
I have new ones on my left arm though. I think it’s worse this time.
All the signs say go. Seven times since Saturday night to be exact. Everyone’s been telling me to go for it. I have all the right in the world to do it. Then why am I still hesitating? Maybe I don’t want to do it for the wrong reasons. Maybe I just don’t want to. But then again, it’s not gonna hurt to test it out right? I don’t know. Whatever.
Deborah Cox and RL are making complete sense to me right now it’s really not cool.
Happy Fourth of July kids!
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Tsai once said, “You know, not blogging for a long time is sign that you have a life.” Thanks Christine. And that’s why you’re my friend. Haha. But really, It’s not that I have a “life” as Christine puts it. I just have a tendency to not blog when I’m on a funk. I’m sorry, my blog, for neglecting you for so long. You deserve the long-awaited and substance-filled post. So here it goes…
It’s kinda weird to see the many aspects of my life so differently after just one weekend. People have been asking me how I’m doing after Days, and I always say it’s been hard. Yes, it’s been hard, but He never said it would be easy, but He also said that it would be worth it.
I’ve always had an excuse when I forget. My ultimate excuse for everything is that I’m busy. Busy with school, work, and other responsibilities. Someone once told me, that the minute I start thinking that my faith is separate from all the other aspects my life, then I'm not fully putting Him in the center. That's when I start to forget. It's always been a struggle for me. But that's what makes it worth it. The struggle makes it worth. Going through it and realizing how much of Him I'm missing makes me want to put Him first.
I’ve been taking in everything that comes in my life, whether good or bad, because that’s what He wants me to do. Take all that is handed to me, good or bad, and see it as a blessing. It's already hard enough to take on my own crosses, what more to take on someone else's? But you know when they say that when someone you really care about hurts, you hurt too. There's really no way of shielding someone who cares about you so much from the burdens that you're carrying. That's just how it works. When someone I care about is hurting, it makes me hurt too. A lot.
I keep on telling myself that being selfless means letting go of one's pride. It means not having to set any conditions and being able to fully give without asking for anything in return. It means being able to look past your own needs to see other people's. It is also struggle. To care so much for others in the expense of your own well-being. I keep on telling myself this, over and over and over and over again. But I still can't seem to hear myself talk.
It's almost over. End of the year banquets make the end real. It sucks. But it's also good. It makes me appreciate a lot of things more, and it also makes me realize how much I love those who I have gotten close to these past four years. You guys have no idea how much you all mean to me. There are no words to describe that feeling. No words.
i still don't understand how you could still be there after all this time. you have been my sponge whenever i needed someone. you never get tired of hearing me cry about everything. you always made me feel like you still cared after everything. you were always there to listen and you have always been so patient with me. you have no idea how much that means to me. no idea. thanks for talking to me all the way home that one time i was being a stupid stupid girl. i always get scared when i drive by myself at night. you will forever be my lifesaver.
It sucks whenever I’m on a slump I always lose to a very bad habit. I thought I was done with it. I guess not.
I know I haven't exactly been the happiest lately. Thanks to those who have been there to put up with me...for those who have attempted to cheer me up...for those who took me out for goodtimes...for those who called just to say hello...for those who yell at me when I'm being stupid...for those who listened to me ramble and cry about everything...and most importantly...for all the prayers. You are so all awesome. I wouldn't have survived these last few weeks without all of you. Thank You.
It’s kinda weird to see the many aspects of my life so differently after just one weekend. People have been asking me how I’m doing after Days, and I always say it’s been hard. Yes, it’s been hard, but He never said it would be easy, but He also said that it would be worth it.
I’ve always had an excuse when I forget. My ultimate excuse for everything is that I’m busy. Busy with school, work, and other responsibilities. Someone once told me, that the minute I start thinking that my faith is separate from all the other aspects my life, then I'm not fully putting Him in the center. That's when I start to forget. It's always been a struggle for me. But that's what makes it worth it. The struggle makes it worth. Going through it and realizing how much of Him I'm missing makes me want to put Him first.
I’ve been taking in everything that comes in my life, whether good or bad, because that’s what He wants me to do. Take all that is handed to me, good or bad, and see it as a blessing. It's already hard enough to take on my own crosses, what more to take on someone else's? But you know when they say that when someone you really care about hurts, you hurt too. There's really no way of shielding someone who cares about you so much from the burdens that you're carrying. That's just how it works. When someone I care about is hurting, it makes me hurt too. A lot.
I keep on telling myself that being selfless means letting go of one's pride. It means not having to set any conditions and being able to fully give without asking for anything in return. It means being able to look past your own needs to see other people's. It is also struggle. To care so much for others in the expense of your own well-being. I keep on telling myself this, over and over and over and over again. But I still can't seem to hear myself talk.
It's almost over. End of the year banquets make the end real. It sucks. But it's also good. It makes me appreciate a lot of things more, and it also makes me realize how much I love those who I have gotten close to these past four years. You guys have no idea how much you all mean to me. There are no words to describe that feeling. No words.
i still don't understand how you could still be there after all this time. you have been my sponge whenever i needed someone. you never get tired of hearing me cry about everything. you always made me feel like you still cared after everything. you were always there to listen and you have always been so patient with me. you have no idea how much that means to me. no idea. thanks for talking to me all the way home that one time i was being a stupid stupid girl. i always get scared when i drive by myself at night. you will forever be my lifesaver.
It sucks whenever I’m on a slump I always lose to a very bad habit. I thought I was done with it. I guess not.
I know I haven't exactly been the happiest lately. Thanks to those who have been there to put up with me...for those who have attempted to cheer me up...for those who took me out for goodtimes...for those who called just to say hello...for those who yell at me when I'm being stupid...for those who listened to me ramble and cry about everything...and most importantly...for all the prayers. You are so all awesome. I wouldn't have survived these last few weeks without all of you. Thank You.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Kiss Me Kate with the E4L crew on Friday night and then In N Out. That was kinda weird since we didn't have our usual Denny's atmosphere with Omar. Anyways, got back to the apartment and helped Rona make Gazpacho for Pam's bday. It surprisingly went well. Good job Rone!
Saturday was homeless outreach. I wasn't gonna go to LA with them because I reallly needed to study, but they needed people and I thought, what's more important, missing a couple hours of studying or feeding a starving person on the street? And so I went. It's the same feeling every time. It was slap of reality in the face. It hurts and it's real. After that, I had the best date with the most beautiful person alive *wink*. Kalesa Grill and naptime. Who can ask for more? Thank you again, beautiful. See, our time finally came.
Saturday night, helped David cook Spanish Croquetas for Pam's bday. It was pretty good, despite the fact that it was still "cheesy" in the inside. Haha. But goodtimes, goodtimes. Went to Pia's for Pam's spanish bday dinner. It was sooooooooooo good. We had the tapas of course: calamari, croquetas, gazpacho, and this salmon on bread topped with breadcrumbs, and sangria. And then we had the oh-so-good paella. Then port wine with the brownie dessert. And last but not the least, churros con chocolate. Oh man. Dude. All of these was made from scratch btw. It was the best dinner ever. Man o man. Then we went to Pam's dorm for yet another surprise. Yay Pamela! Hope you had a good time you deserve it all! I love you. Didn't feel so good afterward so went straight to bed.
Sunday, went to noon mass, back to the apartment for lunch, attempted to start studying which kinda worked but not really. Too many distractions. And now, Monday, I'm at work, "working".
Finals week and I have a love-hate relationship. I love it because it's pretty much a chill week, but not really. I hate it coz, well, it's finals week. It just sucks because everyone seems to be done Thursday while I'm not. Dengit. I'm thinking of being in hiding this whole week. Just go far far away where no one knows where I am and then just pop out of nowhere when it's all over. Maybe that will push me to study. Eh wutever.
I'm sick.
I'm sleepy.
I'm tired.
But I'm alive. Yehey.
Wow this post is kinda blah.
Okai, I need to get my study on foreal. Payce.
Saturday was homeless outreach. I wasn't gonna go to LA with them because I reallly needed to study, but they needed people and I thought, what's more important, missing a couple hours of studying or feeding a starving person on the street? And so I went. It's the same feeling every time. It was slap of reality in the face. It hurts and it's real. After that, I had the best date with the most beautiful person alive *wink*. Kalesa Grill and naptime. Who can ask for more? Thank you again, beautiful. See, our time finally came.
Saturday night, helped David cook Spanish Croquetas for Pam's bday. It was pretty good, despite the fact that it was still "cheesy" in the inside. Haha. But goodtimes, goodtimes. Went to Pia's for Pam's spanish bday dinner. It was sooooooooooo good. We had the tapas of course: calamari, croquetas, gazpacho, and this salmon on bread topped with breadcrumbs, and sangria. And then we had the oh-so-good paella. Then port wine with the brownie dessert. And last but not the least, churros con chocolate. Oh man. Dude. All of these was made from scratch btw. It was the best dinner ever. Man o man. Then we went to Pam's dorm for yet another surprise. Yay Pamela! Hope you had a good time you deserve it all! I love you. Didn't feel so good afterward so went straight to bed.
Sunday, went to noon mass, back to the apartment for lunch, attempted to start studying which kinda worked but not really. Too many distractions. And now, Monday, I'm at work, "working".
Finals week and I have a love-hate relationship. I love it because it's pretty much a chill week, but not really. I hate it coz, well, it's finals week. It just sucks because everyone seems to be done Thursday while I'm not. Dengit. I'm thinking of being in hiding this whole week. Just go far far away where no one knows where I am and then just pop out of nowhere when it's all over. Maybe that will push me to study. Eh wutever.
I'm sick.
I'm sleepy.
I'm tired.
But I'm alive. Yehey.
Wow this post is kinda blah.
Okai, I need to get my study on foreal. Payce.
Friday, March 17, 2006
I think I'm gonna screw up my gpa this quarter. I just spent this whole week attempting to finish my paper (NOTE: attempting) so that I don't have to stay up late the night before it's due. Of course I ended up finishing at 4am, five hours before it's due. Yeah senioritis.
I'm done with finals on the last day at 3:30pm. So if you're done waaay before that, don't come near me until Friday at 3:30pm or else you will get hurt.
I will apologize in advance for not being able to come to the LA Marathon. I know I suck but I just can't afford to not study on Sunday. I'm so sorry! I will be there in spirit, cheering you on. I swear!
On Wednesday, my Tagalog kids did skits from the movie "Dubai". I was so proud and impressed I wanted to cry. Okai jk. But seriously. They all make me so proud. Talagang solid! Hahaha.
So I remember talking to a friend about opening up to people and telling them your problems, thoughts, feelings about anything. And I told her the reason why I don't open up to some people is because I don't think they would care about what I have to say anyway. It's not a diss to them or anything, it's just how I feel. I don't open up because I don't really think it matters to them if I do. And that's fine with me. Sometimes. Coz I already know who I could turn to when I needed them. I also realized that the ones who I don't really run to to tell my problems are the ones who are very open about their problems to me. I mean I'm thankful and flattered that they trust me with all that. But sometimes that's what holds me back from telling them about my life. I feel like I have to be the stronger one, the one who takes it all in and absorbs everything. Anyways...
I'm not going home this weekend coz it's finals week. I really like going home because I get spoiled at home. I also like spending time with the family because they always make me laugh. Even though they always call me fat. Haha. I love, love, love, love, love and did I say love, hearing my parents laughing when they're talking and making fun of each other. Makes me feel good to know that someday, when me and my sister are all "grown'd up", we know that they will be fine.
Random thoughts...
Apparently, I've been spoiled too much (not by my family). I guess I was. Not anymore though. And it sucks.
People bug me. I need to be more patient.
Instability scares me.
Wow I'm kinda broke.
Mmmmmmm ube ice cream.
I hate the rain.
I'm gonna end this post with a song that I thought I would never ever hear again after high school Mary's day. But No Joke sang it beautifully and I could listen to it over and over and over and over again. Amen. Haha.
Hail Mary
Full of Grace
The Lord is with you
Blessed art you among women
And blessed is the fruit
of thy womb,
Jesus formed in your faith
Ave Maria Alleluia
Jesus formed in your love
Ave Maria Alleluia
Ave Maria
Gratia plena
Dominus tecum
Benedicta tu in mulieribus
Et benedictus fructus ventris
Ventris tuae, Jesus.
Sancta Maria
Mater Dei
Ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Nunc et in hora mortis nostrae
Amen.
I'm done with finals on the last day at 3:30pm. So if you're done waaay before that, don't come near me until Friday at 3:30pm or else you will get hurt.
I will apologize in advance for not being able to come to the LA Marathon. I know I suck but I just can't afford to not study on Sunday. I'm so sorry! I will be there in spirit, cheering you on. I swear!
On Wednesday, my Tagalog kids did skits from the movie "Dubai". I was so proud and impressed I wanted to cry. Okai jk. But seriously. They all make me so proud. Talagang solid! Hahaha.
So I remember talking to a friend about opening up to people and telling them your problems, thoughts, feelings about anything. And I told her the reason why I don't open up to some people is because I don't think they would care about what I have to say anyway. It's not a diss to them or anything, it's just how I feel. I don't open up because I don't really think it matters to them if I do. And that's fine with me. Sometimes. Coz I already know who I could turn to when I needed them. I also realized that the ones who I don't really run to to tell my problems are the ones who are very open about their problems to me. I mean I'm thankful and flattered that they trust me with all that. But sometimes that's what holds me back from telling them about my life. I feel like I have to be the stronger one, the one who takes it all in and absorbs everything. Anyways...
I'm not going home this weekend coz it's finals week. I really like going home because I get spoiled at home. I also like spending time with the family because they always make me laugh. Even though they always call me fat. Haha. I love, love, love, love, love and did I say love, hearing my parents laughing when they're talking and making fun of each other. Makes me feel good to know that someday, when me and my sister are all "grown'd up", we know that they will be fine.
Random thoughts...
Apparently, I've been spoiled too much (not by my family). I guess I was. Not anymore though. And it sucks.
People bug me. I need to be more patient.
Instability scares me.
Wow I'm kinda broke.
Mmmmmmm ube ice cream.
I hate the rain.
I'm gonna end this post with a song that I thought I would never ever hear again after high school Mary's day. But No Joke sang it beautifully and I could listen to it over and over and over and over again. Amen. Haha.
Hail Mary
Full of Grace
The Lord is with you
Blessed art you among women
And blessed is the fruit
of thy womb,
Jesus formed in your faith
Ave Maria Alleluia
Jesus formed in your love
Ave Maria Alleluia
Ave Maria
Gratia plena
Dominus tecum
Benedicta tu in mulieribus
Et benedictus fructus ventris
Ventris tuae, Jesus.
Sancta Maria
Mater Dei
Ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Nunc et in hora mortis nostrae
Amen.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
I was never really good at affirmations. First of all, I never know what to say to the person. Second of all, I don't know how to react to anything said about me, good or bad. Lastly, sometimes I feel like it's more of a confrontation than an affirmation, and I'm never really good at confrontation either. I'm the type of person who keeps everything in, won't say a word about what's bothering me, until someone tries really hard to pry it out in me. There are some people who don't need to try hard to do that. But there's still others who need to keep trying until I finally say something.
Anyways...
Okai I admit it. I've always had trouble committing to anything. Which is funny when I think about it because I've always thought of myself as someone very reliable in anything that anyone asks of me. I guess I'm not? Or maybe being committed to something doesn't necessarily mean being reliable. I'm not even sure if I'm making sense right now. The reason why I don't commit to anything sometimes is not because I don't want to. It's because I don't want to promise anything and then break that promise later on if something comes up. This might only make sense to one person so I'm sorry if I'm not making sense right now.
Whatever...
So I seem to get myself in certain situations only to realize later on that I don't know how and why I'm in it. I want to think that I get myself in them for a reason, and hopefully those reasons are worth it. But I can't help but wonder why. There has to be something there that makes me want to stay. I hope I find that something soon.
I'm averaging four hours of sleep every night and it's not gud (even though I would still say "that's guuud"). I'm always late for my 9am class on MWF. How am I supposed to survive having an 8am class next quarter? I don't know. But I just have to suck it up and deal with it because that's what I do.
I haven't hung out with Liwanag people in a looooooooooooooong time. I feel a little detached just because I'm so caught up with everything else I'm involved in. I shall make up for it soon. I miss those kids foreal.
Friggin Pamela made me think about things that I didn't really care about before. You suck Pam. I don't think I can put it on here, but it just makes me wonder sometimes. Yeah pulling a Meechy. Hahaahaha.
My car is dying. Slowly but surely. Man. Now my parents are gonna blame me for it. But it was already dying in the first place. Dengit. Window adventures are always fun right Daniel? Dude, I was sad about that caramel empanada foreal.
Fatty fattness is all I see when I look at the mirror (And all I hear at home. Ugh.) Someone drag me to the arc please (*cough* David *cough*).
I think I need E4L and roommate dinner soon. It's been too long.
I realized that I have yet to break down the walls that I put up around me when it comes to relationships.
Blessed sacrament at Our Lady of Lourdes, you've been home for the past two weeks. Thank You.
Blog dedications are hot. Haha. Thanks for making me smile like this :D.
Congratulations to PASS for another successful Conference! We are way cool kids.
Chomp and Black Star Canyon night funtimes kids.
Thanks for an awesome (somewhat scary) Friday night David, Rone, Arnold. I lost a button from my shirt. Not cool. Maybe that's why I was super cold. Haha. I have a bruise on my left arm and I have no idea why. I think one of you guys might have caused it. Goodtimes, goodtimes.
Dude, pics coming soon foreal.
Anyways...
Okai I admit it. I've always had trouble committing to anything. Which is funny when I think about it because I've always thought of myself as someone very reliable in anything that anyone asks of me. I guess I'm not? Or maybe being committed to something doesn't necessarily mean being reliable. I'm not even sure if I'm making sense right now. The reason why I don't commit to anything sometimes is not because I don't want to. It's because I don't want to promise anything and then break that promise later on if something comes up. This might only make sense to one person so I'm sorry if I'm not making sense right now.
Whatever...
So I seem to get myself in certain situations only to realize later on that I don't know how and why I'm in it. I want to think that I get myself in them for a reason, and hopefully those reasons are worth it. But I can't help but wonder why. There has to be something there that makes me want to stay. I hope I find that something soon.
I'm averaging four hours of sleep every night and it's not gud (even though I would still say "that's guuud"). I'm always late for my 9am class on MWF. How am I supposed to survive having an 8am class next quarter? I don't know. But I just have to suck it up and deal with it because that's what I do.
I haven't hung out with Liwanag people in a looooooooooooooong time. I feel a little detached just because I'm so caught up with everything else I'm involved in. I shall make up for it soon. I miss those kids foreal.
Friggin Pamela made me think about things that I didn't really care about before. You suck Pam. I don't think I can put it on here, but it just makes me wonder sometimes. Yeah pulling a Meechy. Hahaahaha.
My car is dying. Slowly but surely. Man. Now my parents are gonna blame me for it. But it was already dying in the first place. Dengit. Window adventures are always fun right Daniel? Dude, I was sad about that caramel empanada foreal.
Fatty fattness is all I see when I look at the mirror (And all I hear at home. Ugh.) Someone drag me to the arc please (*cough* David *cough*).
I think I need E4L and roommate dinner soon. It's been too long.
I realized that I have yet to break down the walls that I put up around me when it comes to relationships.
Blessed sacrament at Our Lady of Lourdes, you've been home for the past two weeks. Thank You.
Blog dedications are hot. Haha. Thanks for making me smile like this :D.
Congratulations to PASS for another successful Conference! We are way cool kids.
Chomp and Black Star Canyon night funtimes kids.
Thanks for an awesome (somewhat scary) Friday night David, Rone, Arnold. I lost a button from my shirt. Not cool. Maybe that's why I was super cold. Haha. I have a bruise on my left arm and I have no idea why. I think one of you guys might have caused it. Goodtimes, goodtimes.
Dude, pics coming soon foreal.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Yeah Santa Barbara! Goodtimes all the time with the PASS kids of course. It's weird how I never really realized how much they all meant to me till this weekend. They're just an awesome bunch of crazy kids who ALMOST made me cry this weekend (haha they were good tears though, good tears) but I just held it back because it's not my time to cry yet. Watch out when this year is over. That's when the tears will come. Haha.
Do you ever have those realizations about yourself that you, somehow, already know about, but on some level, you never really acknowledge it until someone points it out? No? Me either. Haha jk. I had one of those this weekend. I had interesting one-on-ones with some friends over the weekend and I was telling them about what's been going on in my life. It was interesting how they all said the same thing about how I am as a person. I felt like they knew me more than I knew myself. Which is both good and bad I guess. Good because I feel like the people I trust the most really know who I am. Bad because, well, I guess I don't know myself after all. It just made me think about a lot of things, and I get really sad when I think too deeply into things. That's another reason why I try hard not to think about things too much. But then again, not thinking about things that bother me is unhealthy. Because one day I know one day it will all build up and then I wouldn't know what to do. I don't know. Whatever.
So I didn't go to church this weekend coz of Santa Barbara. Not good. Mass has been a routine for me ever since I was little. The only reason why I would miss it is I absolutely can't go because I have to be somewhere over the weekend. I usually go to mass at home because I'm almost always home over the weekend. I kinda miss going to church at Interfaith because I really feel at home there. But either way, I know He's really present during mass. Liwanag retreat has opened my eyes (Wow irony right there. Get it? No? Okay. Haha.) to the beauty of the mass that I never really knew before. It's such a painful but beautiful thing. Man, I can't even describe how beautiful it is. Dude, yeah. No words.
Thank you for listening...again. You have no idea how much that means to me. No idea.
Roomie I haven't talked to you in soooo long. You know, our "talks". *sigh* I miss you.
I love my mommy. Haha. Sorry random.
Wow I'm getting pretty good at this blogging thing lately. Good for me.
Pics will come up soon!
I need to work now foreal. Payce.
Do you ever have those realizations about yourself that you, somehow, already know about, but on some level, you never really acknowledge it until someone points it out? No? Me either. Haha jk. I had one of those this weekend. I had interesting one-on-ones with some friends over the weekend and I was telling them about what's been going on in my life. It was interesting how they all said the same thing about how I am as a person. I felt like they knew me more than I knew myself. Which is both good and bad I guess. Good because I feel like the people I trust the most really know who I am. Bad because, well, I guess I don't know myself after all. It just made me think about a lot of things, and I get really sad when I think too deeply into things. That's another reason why I try hard not to think about things too much. But then again, not thinking about things that bother me is unhealthy. Because one day I know one day it will all build up and then I wouldn't know what to do. I don't know. Whatever.
So I didn't go to church this weekend coz of Santa Barbara. Not good. Mass has been a routine for me ever since I was little. The only reason why I would miss it is I absolutely can't go because I have to be somewhere over the weekend. I usually go to mass at home because I'm almost always home over the weekend. I kinda miss going to church at Interfaith because I really feel at home there. But either way, I know He's really present during mass. Liwanag retreat has opened my eyes (Wow irony right there. Get it? No? Okay. Haha.) to the beauty of the mass that I never really knew before. It's such a painful but beautiful thing. Man, I can't even describe how beautiful it is. Dude, yeah. No words.
Thank you for listening...again. You have no idea how much that means to me. No idea.
Roomie I haven't talked to you in soooo long. You know, our "talks". *sigh* I miss you.
I love my mommy. Haha. Sorry random.
Wow I'm getting pretty good at this blogging thing lately. Good for me.
Pics will come up soon!
I need to work now foreal. Payce.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Can I just grant myself just this one time to be a girly girl? It's my post-Valentine's mini-post so please just bear with me. It's just this one time I promise. Haha. Are you ready? Okai here it goes...
I loved the surprise. It was perfect. I wanted to cry but I didn't want to ruin the make-up. Haha jaykay! I absolutely have no idea why I deserve to be spoiled this way. But really, no one has ever done that for me before and I felt really special. Aaaahhh thanks so much for everything. I'm still in awe of the truffles from scratch. Really, I'm not over it. You're just plain awesome. Thank you!!!
End of the girlygirl-ness.
This quarter is going by way too fast. I'm so behind with all my classes and it worries me that I'm not really worried. Oh well. That's seniorities for yah.
Been thinking about what life would be like for me a year from now. It's scary, but I'm kinda excited too. As Pam said, "Aren't you excited to have a career?" I guess I am. Of course it's scary because it's such a grown-up concept. But it's something to look forward to I guess.
Liwanag retreat was just woah. Woah as in...ionow...woah. Haha. Can't really describe it any other way. I'm glad I went. Actually I'm more than glad. I'm grateful I went. Been reminiscing about how I got to where I am in my faith. I remember, my first year in Liwanag was definitely when I had my "spiritual high". It was the most awesome feeling in the world. To be able to appreciate life a lot more and to have that sense of fulfillment in completely trusting in Him. Letting Him lead you to where He intends you to go and fully surrendering your whole being all for Him. No questions asked. No doubts. No worries. It was the greatest feeling in the world. It was in the summer of my sophomore year when I decided to become involved with a lot of other activities on campus. I was bombarded with all these responsibilities that of course I chose to do, and it somehow gave me a sense of security. Security in knowing that I was doing something valuable with my time and energy. It wasn't until junior year that I realized how much I've been so distracted with all these responsibilities that I've lost touch with my faith. It was such a struggle trying to get back on that "high". I want to say I tried hard to get back on, but I would be lying. The end of junior year wasn't exactly the happiest time in my college life. I had a lot of internal struggles that I needed to let go of. So naturally, being only human during this low point in my life, I turned to Him for help. I asked Him for forgiveness. Forgiveness for when I lost sight of Him because I was too selfish to think of anything or anyone else but myself. Before I left for D.C. this past summer, I was afraid to leave because I was sure that I would let distractions take over my life once again. I prayed so hard, asking Him to help me keep Him close. And I did. I dont think I would've said yes to becoming a servant leader if I didn't pray so much about it. I had a lot of doubts about myself in becoming a servant leader. I didn't quite understand why they picked me. I didn't think I had what it takes to become one. But I realized that it wasn't about me. It was all for Him. So I said yes. It was my first real attempt to getting back on.
Someone once told me that once you reach that "high", it's just natural to fall down and break. She said that it's almost impossible to have that awesome feeling again, that "spiritual high". But then I thought, "spiritual high" doesn't have to be that awesome feeling that I once had. Constantly trying to go through that struggle of completely trusting in Him is the high. Falling down numerous times is the high. The little sacrifice that you go through for Him is the high. Being blessed and broken is definitely the high. It's those struggles that make it all worth it because there is no struggle that can't be won through Him.
End of my inspired post.
Anyways...
Yeah PASS retreat to Santa Barbara this weekend! Pictures coming soon! Maybe when I get back. Have an awesome three day weekend my babies. Payce!
I loved the surprise. It was perfect. I wanted to cry but I didn't want to ruin the make-up. Haha jaykay! I absolutely have no idea why I deserve to be spoiled this way. But really, no one has ever done that for me before and I felt really special. Aaaahhh thanks so much for everything. I'm still in awe of the truffles from scratch. Really, I'm not over it. You're just plain awesome. Thank you!!!
End of the girlygirl-ness.
This quarter is going by way too fast. I'm so behind with all my classes and it worries me that I'm not really worried. Oh well. That's seniorities for yah.
Been thinking about what life would be like for me a year from now. It's scary, but I'm kinda excited too. As Pam said, "Aren't you excited to have a career?" I guess I am. Of course it's scary because it's such a grown-up concept. But it's something to look forward to I guess.
Liwanag retreat was just woah. Woah as in...ionow...woah. Haha. Can't really describe it any other way. I'm glad I went. Actually I'm more than glad. I'm grateful I went. Been reminiscing about how I got to where I am in my faith. I remember, my first year in Liwanag was definitely when I had my "spiritual high". It was the most awesome feeling in the world. To be able to appreciate life a lot more and to have that sense of fulfillment in completely trusting in Him. Letting Him lead you to where He intends you to go and fully surrendering your whole being all for Him. No questions asked. No doubts. No worries. It was the greatest feeling in the world. It was in the summer of my sophomore year when I decided to become involved with a lot of other activities on campus. I was bombarded with all these responsibilities that of course I chose to do, and it somehow gave me a sense of security. Security in knowing that I was doing something valuable with my time and energy. It wasn't until junior year that I realized how much I've been so distracted with all these responsibilities that I've lost touch with my faith. It was such a struggle trying to get back on that "high". I want to say I tried hard to get back on, but I would be lying. The end of junior year wasn't exactly the happiest time in my college life. I had a lot of internal struggles that I needed to let go of. So naturally, being only human during this low point in my life, I turned to Him for help. I asked Him for forgiveness. Forgiveness for when I lost sight of Him because I was too selfish to think of anything or anyone else but myself. Before I left for D.C. this past summer, I was afraid to leave because I was sure that I would let distractions take over my life once again. I prayed so hard, asking Him to help me keep Him close. And I did. I dont think I would've said yes to becoming a servant leader if I didn't pray so much about it. I had a lot of doubts about myself in becoming a servant leader. I didn't quite understand why they picked me. I didn't think I had what it takes to become one. But I realized that it wasn't about me. It was all for Him. So I said yes. It was my first real attempt to getting back on.
Someone once told me that once you reach that "high", it's just natural to fall down and break. She said that it's almost impossible to have that awesome feeling again, that "spiritual high". But then I thought, "spiritual high" doesn't have to be that awesome feeling that I once had. Constantly trying to go through that struggle of completely trusting in Him is the high. Falling down numerous times is the high. The little sacrifice that you go through for Him is the high. Being blessed and broken is definitely the high. It's those struggles that make it all worth it because there is no struggle that can't be won through Him.
End of my inspired post.
Anyways...
Yeah PASS retreat to Santa Barbara this weekend! Pictures coming soon! Maybe when I get back. Have an awesome three day weekend my babies. Payce!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Dude, I've been wanting to blog foreal I swear. There's just so much I want to blog about but I would probably take a lifetime to write it all out. So I tried to sum it all up in one word and that word is...drum roll please...FAITH. Yes, faith. Faith in Him, in other people, and myself. But as Manjie puts it, I'm gonna "bust a meechy" and be vague in this post because I have class right now and I am not one to miss class so there. Yes, I'm bo-ring I'm sorry. Maybe I'll be inspired this weekend and post something meaningful. But for now, that's all I have to say. Payce my babies.
P.S. HAPBURDY SUE!
P.S. HAPBURDY SUE!
Saturday, January 14, 2006
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Many, many, many thanks to everyone for the birthday greetings and presents! My multiple birthday celebrations were all awesome of course because of the family and friends. You guys rock. And of course I can't forget to thank Him for giving me another year to enjoy the countless blessings I've been given. Thank You! Oh yeah, one last thank You for making my grandma better. The best news I've heard this weekend is that she's going to the mall to go shopping for shoes. Yay lola's back in action!