I hate it when I feel mad for some reason. I hate it when I feel the bitterness. I hate it when I feel resenment towards people. I hate it when I hate.

There was a point when I felt I had so much hate inside me. It wasn't a very good feeling because it only made me feel worse. Whenever I catch myself feeling angry and furious about sumtin, I disappoint myself and almost feel guilty for having those emotions. I don't like feeling that way and I try hard not to, but then I'm only human and it takes a lot to stop it. Venting seems to be the only way to let it out, but sometimes it only makes it worse. I ask Him to make me stronger, to give me the strength to be more understanding. I ask Him to take away all the hate I have in me so that I would not feel the heaviness I have in my heart. I ask Him to be with me...and forgive me.

Man I used the word hate ten million times in this post. I know hate is a strong word...and so is love. And you know...you can never rilly hate someone you don't love.

Happier blog will come soon! I hope.

I've been wanting to blog about this but I haven't been feeling blogg-y lately. But neways, two weeks ago in Liwanag we were talking about stuff that we would give up for lent. And my awesome family sister Vanessa said sumtin that made me think about my actions. She said sumtin like... it seems that everyone is always giving up this, or willing to stop doing that, blahblahblah. Wouldn't it be better if instead of "not doing" sumtin or "giving up" sumtin, everyone should "do sumtin"? Am I making sense? I thought it made perfect sense. People are usually focusing on the things that they would stop doing for lent. Well, what good will that do exactly? Wouldn't it be better if people actually DO sumtin that would make a difference? Just a thought.

Watched The Passion of the Christ with practically everyone last night after Ash Wednesday mass. It kinda weirded me out how they kinda made the movie kinda scary/creepy/suspense-y in the beginning. I guess it's just to set the mood for the movie. But that's not the important part neway so it doesn't rilly matter. I'm not very good with words, and I rilly don't know how to express the feeling I had after watching the movie. Let's just say if I was watching the movie by myself, I would be crying from start to finish. It did not seem like I was just watching a movie. It seemed like I was there to witness it and see the sacrifice He went through for me. I couldn't bare witnessing every single beating and torture. It was as if I wanted to tell them to stop but I couldn't. I guess I never fully realized His love until I saw all of that. It made me question even more why I deserve all that I have.

So newaysssssssssssssss...

I finally did the STD (now called STI or Sexually Transmitted Infections) class for my 6th-7th grade girls yesterday. My partner Fernanda and I prepared for that thing the whole saturday and I'm glad it turned out good. Yay for us! Thanx to Irene who helped me out when Fernanda had to leave. It was nice to see all the mentees have fun with the game we played. Even my shy little mentee was participating and I was rilly excited for her! It was just funnie how after hearing all about the scary stuff about STI's and how you can get them through their "partners", one girl asked "So we can't even hug?!?!?!" That was fun.

Wow this has been a perty long blog. And I thought I wasn't in a blogg-y mood. That's all I have to say for now. Been tired lately as usual so I may seem down n out sumtimes...but I guess it's coz of stress. And bitterness. Which I rilly should work on starting today. It's rilly hard when you're the bitterest person in this world. Aahhhh ionow. I need to stop. I need to let it go. I don't know how, but I'm asking for strength. That's all I'm asking.

Friday night breakdown:

- Interfaith props making session
- chilltoime at neighbor Kayleen with everyone
- Mardi Gras
- more chilltoime

TIRED.

Songs of the week:

Panalangin sa Pagiging Bukas Palad (Prayer for Generosity)

Panginoon, turuan Mo ako maging bukas-palad
Turun Mo akong maglingkod sa Iyo
Na magbigay nang ayon sa nararapat
Na walang hinihintay mula sa 'Yo
Nang makibakang di inaalintana
Mga hirap na dinaranas
Sa tuwina'y magsumikap na hindi humahanap
Ng kapalit na kaginhawaan
Na 'di naghihintay kundi ang aking mabatid
Na ang loob Mo'y siyang sinusundan

Translated...

Prayer for Generosity

Dearest Lord, teach me to be generous
Teach me to serve You as I should
To give and not to count the cost
To fight and not to heed the wounds
To toil and not to seek for rest
To labor and ask not for reward
Save that of knowing that I do Your most holy will

Dancy song of the week:

Officially Missing You by Tamia

All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you

Ohhhh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say
stays on my mind
And I, and I, I’m officially

All I do is lay around
Two ears full tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say
That I’m, That I'm officially missing you

Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you

It official
You know that I’m missing you
oohhh Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
ooohhh yeah
And I’m officially missing you

I love my mom.

Three-day weekend is over and despite the major tiredness thoughout the entire weekend, I can honestly say that I had a lot of fun.

Thanx to BJ for making my Friday and Saturday extra-fun even though we jus chilled half a day. Oh and thanx for taking me home too. Thanx for the food-filled presents. I want more macaroons and empandas. Please?

Saturday night at Rancho Cucamonga with family. Of course, family parties are always food-filled and therefore love-filled. Food = Love right?

Sunday was my lolo's 80th surprise party at Manila Buffet at the Exchange. I knew that all the preparations for the party were worth it right when my lolo came in the restaurant completely surprised and started crying. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LO!

Sunday night was Filipino mass with the whole family. It's kinda sad how I didn't rilly know the responses in Tagalog just coz I always go to the English mass. But right when they started singing the Tagalog songs, dude it was over. I remember almost all the songs they sang because I used to sing it all the time in my old school and I loved all of em. That was awesome.

Sunday dinner at lola's house. Food once again. Finding Nemo. Cousin-time. I miss that.

Monday tried to study. Irvine.

Now, I'm at work with a mess of crap to do on my desk and I'm blogging. So I guess I should work?

I couldn't stand it anymore so I told my boss about the damn plant. Apparently, she's been smelling it too but she jus didnt wana say anything (I guess coz she thought it was me that stank ugh). So we hauled that big ass pot outside and poured the water out. But now it seems like the smell reeks in the halls...or wherever I go. So I hardcore sprayed again in here and now I have a headache.

Random thoughts...

- T.G.I.F.
- Friday the 13th. Mwaaahahahaha.
- Oh yeah Vagina Monologues last nite with the immacers and wyse girls. That was fun. Go vagina warriors. Vagina-friendly!
- Thanx to Alisa for the foodrun u rock my world.
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY COUSIN BJAY!
- my mother just doesn't understand why her daughters do not wana have familytoime on valentines day

Have u ever had that feeling of frustration when you want something rilly bad but you know you can never get it? Or at least you know it will never want you back? Yes, "it."

So I came in work this morning and I guess I was early coz my boss wasnt there yet. So I was the first one in there, and right when I came in the room, it smelled like someone hardcore farted in there and just shut the door so that the smell wouldnt leave. So of course I didnt want people to think that it was my fart, so I bust out with my A&F 8 and sprayed it like there's no tomorrow. So I left for class but then later in the afternoon, I came back to work and the smell was back. I was all, dude why do people gotta fart in my office. Then I was all, man my boss farts hardcore. There was this hot dude who came in too and he was prolly thinking, man this girl is stankin up tha room. And then turns out its this big ass plant I've been trying to revive thats stinks. I've been watering it everyday now and iont think it's been taking in the water coz it looks like it's jus soaking in the water. So it jus smells like a sewer up in hur. Demn det plant. Maybe that's the reason why no one ever comes in this office. Man!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUE! not today, but two days ago.

bless you kuya leo for visiting the sick =).

So I was all by myself in my apartment this weekend. That was funtimes. I usually freak myself out wen I'm alone in the apt, but this time I was too sick to care. Recap:

Friday:
- slept early coz I was too weak to stay up past midnite

Saturday:
- woke up and decided to go to the farmer's market to buy me some onions n potatoes for my corned beef.
- got back and cleaned the apt as usual. washed the dishes that has been sitting there for forever (yes I am weak when it comes to these things. I was gona wait till someone washes the them but I can't stand dirtyness), vacuumed vacuumed vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen, cleaned my room.
- cooked corned beef woohoo
- finally tried studying for econ but didnt really work
- study group at Pam's with David, Sopia, and Gil...did not work either
- Did not wana talk to some people coz of the pissiness
- got a fonecall from Mark saying him n Janice were gona come bug me
- SLEEPOVER! dude you guys made me stay up way past my bedtime. its all gud tho u guys rock.

Sunday
- church at 11. awww i missed everyone i havent seen for the longest toime
- commons...thanx to mark n janice for the swipes
- back in the apt tryin to study...major headache
- thanx to cristina for the coffee
- grammys and our horrible tv reception
- supposed to sleep early but couldnt...hence i still have the major headache

I don't think I'm ever gona get better. I think one day of sleep will do it. One whole day. Damn wen can that one day be?

So I've been sick for two weeks now. I refuse to go to the health center because it's too far and I don't have their insurance thing so that means I'd have to spend a lot if I go. Oh well, if I die then I die. It's all gud in da hood. At least I still have my sexay voice.

I haven't had anything exciting happen to me lately. I guess it's coz I've been m.i.a. and kinda anti because I'm too weak to go out n stuff. But good thing is I think I've got my priorities straight lately...rite roomie? I don't wana jinx it or anything, but I realized how I've been doing my school work more than last quarter. I guess I learned my lesson! It just sux sumtimes when you have to fall in order to rise back up again. I just hope I don't fall again this quarter.

Woops before I forget...HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEL!

More to come later...when I actually have a life to tell you guys about. Payce.

Here's a lil sumtin to read (from my roomie Alisa) that I thought I should put here.



THE ROOM
17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven is like. "I wowed 'em," he later told his father, Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote." It also was his last.

Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it while cleaning out the teenager's locker at Teays Valley High School in Pickaway County. Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted every piece of his life near them, notes from classmates and teachers, his homework.

Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen's life. But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore realized hat their son had described his view of heaven. It makes such an impact that people want to share it. You feel like you are there." Mr. Moore said. Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck
unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it, " Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him one day."

Brian's Essay:

The Room......

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings.

As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at." Some
were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have said in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched , "I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet still after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut
it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost explosive rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards!

No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy, I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards!!! But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then, I saw it...... The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all.

The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.

Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

"No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards.

I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door......

There are still cards in my life to be written. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Phil. 4:13 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have
eternal life."

happy birthday to a fellow hbo...JANICE! do u heb some more cake? i like.

Still not feeling well, but better than last week. I think Big Bear made me stop getting better. But of course I don't rilly care coz it was worth going to.

Whenever I have a feeling of doubt, insecurity, and fear, He always seems to make me see through these walls so that I can look deeply and see the real reason why I'm being called to do what I'm supposed to do.

Got back from awesome Liwanag retreat: awesome.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOUUU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MOMMYYY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOUUU!

At work. My brand new supplies just came in today! I'm very excited. I think I'm actually gona have my own printer and fun stuff like that. Dang why do they spoil me like this? I think they have an ulterior motive. Hmmm.

Been sick since Friday night. Not good. At first I thought it was just a sore throat. But it felt nothing like a sore throat...except my throat hurt...get it? Okai never mind. Basically I had dry cough, major aching throat, fever, and all that gud stuff. So I was looking through this medical book and I diagnosed myself by looking at the symptoms of throat infections. I think I have mild tonsilitis. Ggggrrrrr. Good thing I was home this whole weekend to rest and get pampered by mom n sister. Man, been spoiled once again. weee.

One sad moment over the weekend though was on Saturday when I slept in till 1pm, woke up, and realized everyone was out. They left me at home all by myself =(. Just made me think why I even bother going home. *sigh* But it was all gud coz later that night we all went to church and shopping in the happiest place on earth...Ross. Mom bought me clothes. I would think I'd be officially called a spoiled brat by now.

Lately, I've been thinking about the decisions I've made for myself this past year. I look back and I ask myself if I did the right thing. A friend used to always reminded me to make a decision I wouldn't regret. But how will I know if I will regret my decision or not? There was a point when I wanted to make everything the way it used to be. I blamed myself for being the weak one, the one who gave up when there seems to be no other way to go. I cry whenever I'm reminded of the hurt I caused, and when I can't seem to accept the fact that not everything can be perfect and have a happy ending. Then I realize that sometimes it's better this way. It's better to go through it once. But who knows what will happen along the way. It can turn out to be the perfect ending that people would imagine it to be, or reality can kick in and simply take me where it leads me.

It's so amazing how semi-productive I've been this week, just coz it's only the first week of school and I'm still chillen like a villain. I know this quarter will be a fun-filled one because I'm gona be doing a whole lota fun stuff. Besides the funtoimes of my two asian am classes, econ, and management class, I'm gona be working on my new desk and office! I have a couch in here too if anyone wants to visit me! It can get quiet and lonely in here but I like the peacefulness sometimes.

My 9am-5pm everyday is basically school and work combined. At night comes the funner stuff...mondays is high school outreach for PUSO (ooh which reminds me that in my Management class, the director of the Career Center was giving us a talk about leadership and she mentioned how PUSO had awesome leadership and stuff like that), tuesdays is Liwanag (I'm excited for Spirit Rally), wednesdays is WYSE (me and this other girl will be preparing a class about STDs for our 6th-7th graders woohoo), thursdays is F.R.I.E.N.D.S., and fridays...who knows. I'm also gona be in PCN choir this year so woohoo. Yeahp, this quarter will be funtoimes all the toime.

I think I'm going home tonite. Again. It's a long story why I've been going home a lot lately, but I rilly dont mind because I like home nowadays. And I guess it's better that I go home a lot now coz I mite not be able to wen the quarter gets busier.

Woops time to go back to work. Boss needs me to go to the library. Payce.

Pretty, pretty song I love...


Every Season by Nicole Nordeman

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children's games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season's change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

I'm back in Irvine whooptidoo.

Thanx to the two cool people who kept me company last nite. You guys rock.

Currently "working." Time to read a good book.

Got to drive to the mall! Finally!

Funtoimes with family today. Food, food, food, (Hop-Li) then the mall...my family's second home. I love it.

Yay my special day is almost over. I enjoyed every single minute of it. Thank You.

I asked Him for happiness, and He gave me my awesome family and friends. Thank You for giving me so much. I don't know what I did to deserve all this. It's the best gift I could ever get.

Thanx so much for the 20 people who celebrated my 20th birthday with me. You guys made my heart smile. I loved every moment of it. I loved all the fun/interesting gifts I got...but all that will never compare to every single person's presence last night. I love you all!

Of couse I can not forget the ones who couldn't come but still remembered. You guys are special too!

And for those of you who didn't know about this, I prolly texted you but your fone's too losery to not get the text. Sux to be u. JK I love you too. You can mail my gift to my home addy thanx.

Twenty...or twenteen as my cousin said. So does that mean I'm not considered a teenager anymore? Demnit. I don't think I'm ready to sit at the old people table yet. I guess it's gona be more exciting when I turn 21. At least then I could legally do the stuff I'm doing now. JK. I'm a good girl. I'm mature enough to handle my life. So gotta go for now coz I'm ready to partaaaaaaay. Payce!

that rilly hurt! i know ur jus kidding but its not funnie! i think thats the worst joke someone could say about me. =(.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOUUU...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOUUU...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DAD...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOUUU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DAD YESTERDAY!
- San Antonio Winery
- House Hunting
- Chowking

thank you for the gifts. i love it. especially the candy haha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOUUU...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOUUU...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JESUS...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOUUU!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

I'M SO AWAKE RIGHT NOW IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNIE! AAAH

Fun story my sister told me about my tita in the Philippines:

*Tito trips on hotel escalator and falls on his ass*
Tita: Oh may gads! Ang asawa ko!

*Sister doesn't know wut to do*
Lola: Ay kabayo ka! Ano ba yan!

*Hotel employess rush to my tito*
Employee: Sir, are you okay? We can call an ambulance to make sure you're fine."
Tita: No no no! He doesn't need det! He's a doctor!

BBBWAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAA

____________________________

Pick up line:

Girl: If you were to ask God one question, what would it be?
Boy: I'd ask Him, "When and where can I find the prettiest girl in the world?"
Boy: Then He'd answer, "You already have."

Niceee. Gud one gud one.

BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY COUSIN LINDSEY! I LOVE YOU COUSIN!

IBM Thinkpad Laptops are still on sale (A Series. $700-950) IM me if interested: buthafly.

Aaaah theres so much to blog about I don't know where to start! Actually, I kinda forgot about the stuff I wanted to write about. Oh well. This will be perty long. Let's see what I come up with...

I went to mass in OMGC this Saturday, and it felt kinda weird just coz I haven't been there in a while (I enjoy going to mass in Interfaith more coz I actually listen haha). So I sat there, about to space out as usual, but surprisingly I paid attention from start to finish. I thought it was a gud mass because I loved the songs they sang, and I actually listened and took in the words being said throughout the mass.

"Lord, make us turn to you, show us Your face, and we shall be saved." Sometimes I feel as though I'm too blind to see the positive things around me. I always dwell on the bad things that affect me, making me even more pessimistic towards anything I come across. It seems like I refuse to see the good things in life. I'm not exactly sure why. I realized that refusing to see the good made me refuse to see Him. If I don't see the good, how am I supposed to turn to Him and see Him? I need His help to make me see that there is more to life than going through hardtimes. I need Him to make me see the good things that make life worth living.

"With blessings come pain and suffering." Life can never be perfect. It will always have both good and bad times. Like what father said, Mary's blessing was to have Jesus as her son, but with it came the pain of seeing Him die on the cross. Life will hand us many many blessings, but it has to give us pain as well. Many people wish that life could just be perfect, with everyone happy, without suffering in this world. But perfect doesn't have to mean no pain and suffering. Perfect may simply mean seeing Him and doing His will in all that we say and do.


So newayssss...

Week after finals was a sleep filled week...yeahp approximately 12 hours of sleep each day (and that's just coz someone woke me up...I could've slept for days). But it's okai coz I had to get up some time rite. That week was a strong week for me too. No signs of weakness wutsoever. Yeahp that's right. I’m proud of it. Here's a recap of my week:

Monday, Dec 15
- work
- corned beef, fried rice with Vienna sausage nite with roomie and Gladys
- Love Actually once again

Tuesday, Dec 16
- I think chilled with roomie, David, Jay, Arnie, and Ryan W. at Turtle Rock and Starbucks and our apt magic mic-ing it

Wednesday, Dec 17
- stickball with Cristina, Jason, and Derrick (das rite dawg I can hit)...FUNTIMES!
- fun parking lot ride...tire problem...fun boba talk
- slept at 9am coz of roomie grr...haha jk...fun talk as usual...pancakes at 7am...A Walk To Remember till 9am

Thursday, Dec 18
- lunch with roomie, kat, and david
- south coast then david's apt with jay n david
- alone in the apt. kinda got ascurred. So woke someone up with a fonecall. Heehee sorry.

Friday, Dec 19
- went home home

Saturday, Dec 20
- house hunting
- church (yay church)
- mall
- Sorry Joanna couldn't go!
- Happy Birthday Tracy!
- woke someone up again demnit

Sunday, Dec 21
- mall once again. At first it was all fun and stuff, but when your feet get stepped on more than ten times it's over


I'm home home now. I've been home home since Friday thanx to Gladys n Tito. Woohoo. So far everything's gud. So far. We'll see wut happens in the next two weeks. I'm scared. I don't even know why. Demnit.

Weakness starting to take over me once again. Help?

To a special friend: I may not know the feeling of what you're going through. I may not fully understand your thoughts and feelings. I may not know what to say when you tell me your heartaches. I may not seem to have the answers to all your problems. But I'm always here to listen, and I'm here to tell you that boys suck so screw them all. ::Hug::

I love my mom. I never really realized what a strong person she is till now. It made me understand her a little bit more. I guess I can say she's been through things that I never really thought was a big deal...till now. I'm glad she's enjoying her new job. And how do I know this? She's been decorating her desk.

My sister's coming back from the Philippines tomorrow! Well actually today, Monday. I'm so excited! Not coz she's coming back, but because of my pasalubongs. Haha okai jk fine I miss her. Geeznuts.

Wow I'm actually sleepy. I think I should sleep early for once. I heard it's gud for you. Payce!

WORD OF THE DAY

Weak: lacking strength; resulting from or indicating lack of judgment or discernment; not able to withstand temptation or persuasion; me.

WHOEVER WANTS IBM THINKPAD LAPTOPS FOR $700-950 LET ME KNOW...I HAVE THE STUFF.

finals week is over thank God. i dont wana think about that now coz i dont think i did well in any of my finals. im perty sure itll be very painful wen i get my grades. oh well...sux to be me.

this week has been my bitterness week. despite all my theories about stuff, i think i rilly am jus one bitter person. haha. i have the tendency to think about the worst, most horrible, hateful case possible jus to not get my hopes up too high, to prepare myself for the disappointment, and simply make it easier for me to deal with it in the end. i mean its jus all in gud fun and shtuff, but wen it gets a little too painful i know it's time to stop. there may be times wen i get weak, but i think i would come out stronger wen its over. now i know how to deal. jus take it as it goes, no worries, dont trip, have fun, and play the game. thats right. we'll see who wins. :evil laugh:

sharing is caring. that quote fits real well this past week. it makes my heart smile wen people are willing to share a part of them to a person, with the kind of trust that makes a friendship stonger...it fills my heart with happiness...and gives me a better understanding of that person. its random times like these that make finals week much more easier to bear. haha. i love it. i love you!

friday nite was nap time...magic mic time with cristina n janice...and dinner with the roomies n david. i cooked pasta, rona cooked mashed potatoes, alisa cooked her rice, and chelle baked her special cake. oh n we bought chicken. ate a little bit too much but its all gud. i love my roomies. thanx rona for the cute gift! after dinner was party time with some sierra people. funtimes except for the cleaning up part. and stuff.

saturday...my day started at 3pm. nice. cleaned some more then dinner with gladys n tsai n roomie at sushi riki. rented while you were sleeping and got ice cream n popcorn n watched the movie at tsai's. bj n bel visited us thanx u guys. then two hours later decided to go to ihop. yeahp, we are officially a bunch of realy hungry people. AND THEN... ended up not paying for our food becoz some random person took care of our check. we were in awe for a while...didnt even know who the person was. love actually is all around...good deeds do make the world go round. thank you to whoever you are..haha like theyre gona read this. but seriously, makes me wana do a good deed...makes me wana be a better person... oooohh maybe now that person can be my number one! hahaa.

whoever wants to chill im gona be in irvine this whole week...i think. lets chill!

Oh and I will blog foreal real soon. Jus need to catch up on my sleep. Yessss sleep.

IT'S OVEEEER! TIME TO PARTY!

I'm tired. I need a break. A break from everything. Well not everything. Just some things. I need to think about my priorities and do whatever my heart...well no not my heart coz thats dangerous...but wut my mind tells me to do.

Note to self: Demnit...be smart for once!

Too lazy to write about my week in detail so sux to be u if you dont get this post...

yay for a safe trip to the Philippines for my sister...fun liwanag dinner...yay for my wyse girls...soulmate but not rilly: stop it!...hso will be awesome i know it...thanx cristina n leo for caring...Note to self: stop being stupid and weak. demnit.. sue i luv good stories..i love my mom...thanx janice for feeding us u da bomb... laguna is the place to "study"... thanx tsai for the gift (it's too much! aaah)... gladys tsai n roomie dennys funtimes... pst remember u can call me netime even tho i dont answer ill still call u back and i'm always here for u (i'm not always there wen u call..but i'm always on time haha)...thanx francia for ur fun goodie bag!... from 30% to 10% to 0% to 50% to 0% once again.

GOODLUCK WITH FINALS EVERYONE!

Oh btw I'm gona be staying in Irvine week after finals week. Well I'm gona be working but I'd still wana chill (ooh that rhymes) with whoevers down...yehey.

And now i'm left with nothing. Gud job. Sux to be me. Grrrrrrr.

writer: (an anonymous different person that is not cressa)

ok so interesting day with the most interesting person(cressa). we talked, mocked and had some other forms of fun. . .if ya know what i mean ; ) all in good taste though. damn boys and their ways always trying to get attention and shiz. . .making me crazy and shiz. . .always taking a shiz on me and shiz. why cant i find that one right person to take a shiz on?? why do i always have to go for the impossible. . .its never fair but life is no crystal carnivale so hey. im so boy crazy!! i cant help it and cressa promotes this kind of behavior what kind of person is she?! i think we all know the question to that. . .hah
[#3 is the only one to be] [but #2 will always do] [and #1 is oh so done]

not

Interesting/weird week this week...that's all.

Random Post...

The Final Analysis

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they might be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is all between you and God,
It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Went to church at 11am then was supposed to look at this house that my mom wanted in Highland Park but couldnt get in so sux to be us. So we jus had a random family outing instead...San Antonio Winery in downtown LA. That would be a fun date place but kinda expensive. But neways I couldve done the whole wine tasting experience coz I dont think they wouldve carded me. I duno if that's good or bad. Haha but I didnt coz I'm too cool for that.

I wana blog about stuff but I'm not sure what. I feel like I have so much stuff to say but I'm not sure which one to blog about and I dont know where to begin or if I should even blog about it. I should rilly jus write in my journal haha. Iono why I have a blog. But neways...

It sux how I get sad for stupid reasons. Well not stupid, but more like shallow. I should just be content with what I have and be thankful for being alive. Thinking about what I don't have doesnt do me any good. It creates problems that arent even supposed to be there in the first place. Okai I need to chillax. Dang I'm hopeless.

BELATED HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Wednesday, November 26
Went back home Wednesday afternoon. Thanx Gladys and Tito for bringing me home! Despite the two and a half hour drive from Irvine to LA (yeahp we left at 5pm and got home around 7:30pm...crazy holiday traffic), I got that much sleep in the car so woohoo for me. Got home and was happy to see my family cooking stuff. Yay food! Watched While You Were Sleeping once again...stupid chick flicks *sigh*

Thursday, November 27
Thanxgiving...Tita Wally's new house in Rancho Cucamonga. This was the most bummiest thanxgiving ever...my cousins and I ate and then slept the entire time. Good stuff good stuff.

Friday, November 28
Shoppingtime. Camarillo outlets the whole day. Too much walking but its worth it when its shoppingtime. Realized how bratty I am coz wanted something from Puma and this Paul Frank thing but didn't get it coz it's too much says my mom. *sigh* haha okai im over it.

Saturday, November 29
Went to post office then had eyebrows done (but it looks the same to me). Mall for a lil bit then costco then back home to get ready for my cousin Jasmine's debut. Cousin looked beautiful of course, and the party was funtoimes all the toime. She had a Indian/Aladdin theme going on and it was coolness. The belly dancer was hot haha. My drunk kuya was hitting on my sister's friend (who was scared to death), my tita was balot-ing all the food in sight, sister was on flirting mode the entire nite, and my mom of course got a dozen giveaways jus for fun. My family ladies n gentlemen.

Note to self:
- Blog about that thing next time
- Stop being such a girl...it won't do you any good
- You need to get over it or you'll end up screwing yourself over
- Pray for a friend
- Do your homework (BWHAHAA yeah rite)

I'm liking it at home. I don't rilly wana go back to Irvine coz that means I have to do work again. But going back to Irvine means I'm gona miss home more... and I like that. It's better than not wanting to be at home.

Since I haven't blogged in a while, I'm just gona give a short recap of each day of this past week. Then I'll elaborate on the stuff that's been on my mind lately...

Thursday, November 13
- tired
- PCN info nite
- Kordilyera and Choir (or just one of those)

Friday, November 14
- Liwanag Sleepover
- Finding Nemo in Quenya
- Magic Mic
- Cranium all nite long (funtimes all the time!)
- Awesome prayer circle
- delirious sleep deprived nite with roomie n Janice

Saturday, November 15
- went back home to LA with Chelle early..slept the whole day
- Filipino party at Placentia...fun food and met cool people

Sunday, November 16
- papertoime
- couldn't get a ride back to Irvine till later...sorry joyce for not
making alto practice!
- mass at Interfaith
- benefit concert practice

Monday, November 17
- Gina's Pizza fundraising for WYSE
- THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOU GUYS WHO CAME AND SUPPORTED! YOU DON'T
KNOW
HOW MUCH IT MEANT TO ME (YES, I ALMOST CRIED DEMNIT) :
- gladys, tsai, rona, alisa, erica d. you guys rock
- cristina, leo, dee, david, francia, flo, nimz, gp, angie, you guys are

awesome
- finished women's studies paper...sleep deprived once again

Tuesday November 18
- didn't wake up to my alarm...late for work
- Via Dolorosa practice
- Liwanag meeting
- Meteor Shower with Cristina and Janice...loved it
- sleep deprived

Wednesday, November 19
- didn't wake up to my alarm clock..late for class...or jk..didn't go to
class
- WYSE...topic: relationships...build-a-bf/gf activity heehee
- benefit concert rehearsal (thanx marites for the prayer)

Thursday, November 20
- didn't wake up to my alarm clock...late for work
- Thursday mass...yay chicken!
- Studied at Laguna with Janice and Diana
- Via Dolorosa practice at Joyce's (Joyce is awesome coz she made me
cry)

Friday, November 21
- didn't wake up to my alarm clock...late for class
- Friday mass...more chicken!
- BENEFIT CONCERT: AMAZING EXPERIENCE (see below)
- ihop

Saturday, November 22
- slept in...tried studying for econ...didn't work
- Spectrum with roomie, gladys, and tsai
- Movie nite: Love Actually ... *sigh*

Sunday, November 23
- slept in again...tried studying for econ
- 6:30pm mass at Interfaith
- tried studying again

Monday, November 24
- True Disciples (TDG!) thanxgiving dinner at Francia's and Dee's!
yummie tacos n stuff and pizookie!
- THANK YOU SO MUCH CHRISTINE B. FOR DRIVING ME TO L.A.! YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME! (see below for the fun adventure)

Tuesday, November 25
- home...went to INS to do fingerprinting stuff for cititzenship stuff
- drove back to Irvine...ran to class and found out quiz is
cancelled...grrr
- thanxgiving prayer service..mini liwanag meeting...uv concert
(You rock Christine T.! and TDG family members Toni and Ed!)
- Tapioca Express with Liwanag...Doll House...chill at Cristina's


Alarm Clock
Yes I woke up in time for my midterm on monday! Thank you so much for waking me up...you know who you are.

Benefit Concert
I've been in choir all four years of high school and I have done how many concerts all those four years, but nothing (yes nothing) can compare to the benefit concert. At first I was just wutever about it, because I knew my family wasn't gona be there and I didn't rilly make such a bid deal about it. But a couple hours before the concert, I felt the nervousness mixed with tiredness and sleep deprivation. That wasn't good. But despite all that, I knew that it was gona be awesome. Everyone was amazing. It sux that I couldn't be part of the audience to see all the acts, but at the same time I was glad I was part of it. It makes me smile to hear people talk about how awesome it was for them, and how moving it was. Thank You so much for being there. Your presence is definitely the reason for the concert's success.

L.A. Adventure with Christine B.
So me n Christine were driving to LA Tuesday nite (out of the kindness of her heart...awesome person foreal) and I got all my freeways rite...except that we missed the 101. So we had to exit at some random street...ended up driving around this ghettofied part of LA for a while...and found out that we were in the East LA area...yeahp...Boyle Heights and fun stuff like that at 12midnite. So we were jus driving n driving...looking for a freeway...but couldn't find any...and then somehow ended up in downtown LA. Had a scary moment with this scary looking driver who was yellling at us...but it was all gud...we were jus driving n driving still...looking for a freeway. THEN...Cristina call me and asks how we're doing and obviously we needed help...so ended up calling GP for directions. Heeeheee. I love my Liwanag people. They always got my back. You guys rock. So got home around 1:30...too tired from the fun LA adventure. I actually had fun!

Stuff
I was talking to roomie the other day and of course we had another random conversation. This time it was about losing sight of things. It's so ironic how I've realized so many things just this past month, but I've also lost sight of the other things in life that are important to me too. When I think about how I've been living my life lately, it makes me happy to know that I appreciate things more now than ever before. But sometimes I forget that there are other important things that should be done too. I'm scared that I mite not be able to catch up and I'll eventually find myself down at the bottom again. That's my ultimate fear rite now.

Mom
I was talking to a good friend about the one aspect that will always be the most significant and the most influential in life: Mom. Of all the heartaches I've had in life, the ones that definitely hurt the most are the ones where I didn't have my mom's support. It's hard to pretend that I could stand on my own two feet and not care about what she has to say or
what she thinks about my actions and decisions. It's not easy to pretend that I could go on doing what I want without her blessing...because I can't. Sometimes I wish that everything could be perfect, that everything that I want for myself is what she wants for me too. I love her a lot and I don't want to disappoint her, and maybe that's why I've been trying so hard to be a "good" daughter, even to the point making decisions to make her happy instead of thinking of what would make me happy.

I'm gona blog soon about the past week. I've just been to tired n busy with shtuff. How tired and busy? Well, I usually wake up to my alarm clock. But for the past four days in a row...I didn't wake up at all and I was late to either class or work these last four days. Can someone please wake me up monday morning at 8am? I heb a midterm at 9 and I kinda wana be on time for that.

Seer


The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday, November 9
Tried to do work all day but didn't work. Roomie and David went to the Jason Mraz concert without me. Boo. Church with Dale and then Benefit concert practice at nite. Supposed to leave early but decided to stay and chill. Mhmm.

Monday, November 10
Visitor at work! Heehee. Had Cram nite since my roomies and I haven't rilly chilled in a while. Chelle baked better than sex cake (she would know) and we jus chillaxed n stuff like det. Loved Alisa's version of Mother Mary, "In the times, when I'm all alone..." Pretty nite sky. I love my roomies. No crying this time. Hahaha.

Tuesday, November 11
NO SCHOOL! Slept in and woke up at 1:30pm. Dude that felt great. Shar and Chang came over and we ate at Gina's Pizza (where liwanag people where at too). Gladys and Tsai came too and we jus ate then chilled at the apt. Tried to study for math midterm tomorrow but didn't work. Liwanag meeting. I just can't get enough of Liwanag. I love it.

Got home around 12 I think and it was time to study but it still didn't work. Sooooooooo just had a random conversation with Chelle of course. No crying. Hahaa. Slept at 5:30. Dudeness.

Wednesday, November 12
First time I missed a class this quarter. Aaaah I suck. Too nervous for the midterm. Took it. Eh. I don't know anymore.

WYSE after school. My mentee and I had a wrestling conversation. Haha perty funnie how I used to like wrestling too when I was her age. Sumtimes she reminds me of myself when I was little. I could tell she's a very shy little girl, but when I talk to her she has so much things to say and share to me. I feel very lucky to actually hear what this young girl has to say. It makes me so happy to see that she's actually willing to talk to me and she's not scared to be open. I just can't explain the sense of fulfillment in being a mentor. It doesn't even require that much work to be one...it's just a matter of being there to listen to what they have to say.

Got back home around 6:30..too tired...took a nice nap and then off to benefit concert practice at Interfaith. Had to walk in the rain (well according to Janice it wasn't raining but it was still cold n wet outside aayt). We practiced Via Dolorosa and I rilly couldn't tell how we sound like but I guess we're alrite? Hehe. Practice was over at 10pm, so we were jus chillen at Interfaith. Cristina, Leo, me, and chelle decided to go to Janice's dorm (Laguna) and chilled for a bit and ate her and Diana's food. You guys are great. Then we didn't wana bother Diana anymore so we all went to our apt and chilled there. Random funtimes all the time. I wish I could have both Cristina and Leo sing me to sleep every nite. You guys are awesome. Random conversations. I loved every minute of it. Decided to have a sleepover. Janice slept on my bed with me, Cristina slept on Chelle's bed, and Leo on the floor. It's amazing how I've only known these people for a couple months but I'm completely comfortable around them and I feel like I've known them for a long time. There's just sumthing about Liwanag that makes everything fall into place. I love it.

So I was at work today, sitting on my desk while pretending to do work of course. Unconsciously, I looked outside the glass window and who did I see? Cristina! I was so surprised and happy! She's my first visitor at work! See, it's little things like these that make my day. Yes, it may seem shallow, but to me it means a lot. You rock Cristina. I love you!

You think I'd rilly tell you? Bwaaaaahaha. Naw dawg.

Thursday, Nov 6
Busy day once again. I met my kasama family and theyre all cool! Too bad I couldn't go to the kaba meeting and hooters coz I went to Sierra assertiveness training for the youngns. Yih party room in 101 is da bomb! Hahaha. Funtimes with my Sierra family. So got home at about 10.. theeen i thought I was goin to bed early...but noooo. Chilled with Liwanag of course! Thanx to Cristina for picking us up...u da bomb. We were jus chillen in Interfaith then decided to go to Turtle Rock. Awesome place. Despite the ghost stories and me missing the shooting star, I had an amazing time. Fun talks and stufffff like det...mhmmm. I wana go back there! Who's down? No? Fine. So we jus chilled at the Interfaith parking lot afterwards, and jus had random talks. Random is fun. All the time. Got home about 3 i think. Toooo tired.


Friday, Nov 7
So I was in the Social Ecology I building that afternoon about to go to work. I was waiting for the elevator for the longest time, and when it finally opened two cops came out. There was a lady behind me who told the cops, "He went that way towards the dean's office. I'm not sure if he's still there. He was this tall, this kind of hair, this kind of shirt, blahblahblah." She was basically describing some man who was apparently some psycho dude wandering around the building. The lady cop interrupted her as if the description she was giving was useless info, and the cop's first question was, "Color?" I stopped and looked at that cop and she seemed to think that her question was the smartest question she could ask. I just went in the elevator, frustrated for some reason, and went to work disturbed.

So newaaaaaaaaaays this is what happened Friday nite...
I was supposed to go to commons with Rona, Alisa, and David coz it's buy one meal get one free on Froidays. They've been planning that since iono when so I said I would go. But then, Kathleen called me and asked if I wana chill with Liwanag people at Island's. So of course, why would I not want to? It's Liwanag! I was thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking. Then I thought some more. Part of me thought it would be rilly sad if I ditched roomies and David. The other part of me thought that I see roomies n them everyday neway and I don't think they'd mind. So I decided to go to Islands. I'M SORRY TO ROOMIES N DAVID! Even though I know you guys didn't rilly care, I pretended that u did neways. Hahaha. Chillen with Liwanag people is always fun. Fun birthday dinner for Leo haha. Thank you guys for a fun dinner! got back here early so that I could still chill with roomies n them. Sorry for not being able to go to the Cerritos vigil...I would've gone if I didn't feel too guilty about ditching people.

Ended up having a Newport sleepover with Alisa, Dale, David, and Rona. Shopped for junk food, drove around looking for a vcr, rented Candyman, and all that other fun stuff. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. I just need to stay away from mirrors thats all. So that's good. But it'd be a fun date movie. Yihaa. Slept at about 3 I think, on a semi-comfy couch thing.

Saturday, Nov 8
Had to be back at the apt by 10am to get ready for fun beach day with the mentees. Dragged David, Rona, and Alisa out of bed yaay. Got picked up by Shermaine, headed to Amy's house to get the food, then off to Corona del Mar. Got lost, but its all gud. I'm always lost. Got there and the weather was perfect. It was amazing. We thought it was going to rain today too, but I guess someone's been watches over us and just wants us to have fun. Thank you for the beautiful weather! I just cant emphasize enough how perfect it was outside. I was just laying there, feeling the nice breeze and the warmth of the sun. I love it. It was also fun seeing our mentees having a good time. They were having good bonding times with each other and I thought that was amazing. Just to see them have fun makes me happy and content. Good beach outing turnout!

So now, I'm just here chillen like a villain. Rona, Alisa, and David ditched me coz I deserve it. I guess I'm stuck with roomie again. *sigh* Haha jk. Perhaps another heart to heart talk will happen. Dude I'm tired of thinking about this sshhhtuff. Why can't everything just be perfect? Dudeness.


Okai now I know wut happened saturday...
So GP and Francia were bored and hungry so we decided to go to Paul's Place to eat some greek/mexican/american food. It was me, Chelle, GP, Francia, and Mel. Despite the snails/ slugs it was perty fun there. I liked my Chicken Mushroom Sadwich and the fried mushrooms. That was yummay. Then they decided to go to Jei's house which is approximately 12 minutes away from the freeway (is det rite?) and we jus sang along the songs in Beauty and the Beast, took quizzes and I found out I'm Mrs. Potts, and played musical games. Bwaahaa. Got home perty early and slept. Woohoo.

Monday night was a night full of emotions poured out, deep feelingsrevealed, fears and dreams shared, along with both sad and happy tears. It wasn't as much as a depressing session than it was a therapy session, where two people were brave enough to let it all out, without hesitation, but definitely a whole lot more of understanding for each
other. I'm not even sure how it all started, but whatever it was, I knew that me and my roomie both needed that moment.

You never know what someone's really feeling until they open up to you and everything is just said. As roomie says, sometimes you just have to take a moment and ask someone if he or she is really doing okai. Sometimes you get a good, simple answer. Other times, you get the real answer. The real answer is never simple, but is always truthful.

When I look at my life, I realize how much blessings I have received through the years that I have completely taken for granted. I've been too busy asking God for what I don't have, blaming Him for every bad thing that has happened to me, without even taking the time to stop and thank Him for what I do have in my life right now. There are times when I feel as though life is not worth living, simply because of all the heartaches that I feel at times. I realized how selfish it is of me to think that way. It is selfish of me to think that I have nothing, when in reality, I have more than I could ever imagine.

Father Pat once said, people may not remember you by your face or your name, but they will always remember how you made them feel (is that rite? well it was sumtin like det). I'm lucky enough to have experienced these people in my life. I don't even know why I deserve such wonderful people in my life. All I know is that they are all the answers to my prayers.

I know I haven’t been there for people when they needed me the most, and I regret that. I’ve been too busy to care about anything but my own little world. I’m sorry. I guess right now my greatest fear would be to lose the people who I have grown to love. I don't know what that would feel like, and I don't ever want to know. I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for running away. But I'm here now. I'll always be here.


Man… this is one random blog. I don’t know if I made sense at all, but it’s what I’ve been thinking about lately. I haven’t blogged like this in a while, and it feels good to be able to write like this again. More to come laterrrrrr. Payce.


Ooohhh thanx to roomie, Gladys, and Tsai for a fun girls nite out. Man we're pathetic.

And yay to Cristina, GP, and Leo for visiting us on Monday. You guys are awesome. Come visit us again! Please? Haha.

Reasons why i realized that sleep is not as important as i thought:

tuesday, oct 28
studied for two friggin midterms and prepared a presentation. guess wut time i slept! coz i dont know.

wednesday, oct 29
had a paper due the next day. soooooo basically did that the whole nite. had printer problems so that took another hour. so wut time did i sleep? hmmm...im not quite sure

thursday, oct 30
so i thought this was my fun sleepytime nite. but that all changed wen i got a fonecall...it went sumtin like this...

me: hey wutsup
cristina: hey wut r u doing tonite
me (thinking she was gona ask if i wana go to a bday surprise): hmm...nuttin i guess.
cristina: wut does ur schedule look like tomorrow
me: uhm...i have a 9am class
cristina: maan rilly
me: why wutsup
cristina: well we wana go to vegas
me: oh...wen?
cristina: in 30 minutes
me: oh crap....hmmm...:me thinking hard:...
*after some talking and convinvcing and stuff*

me: okai me n rona r down
cristina: cressa n rona r going!..okai we'll come get u.

so there yah go. we left around 8pm...it was gp, francia, leo, me, angie, rona, and cristina. interesting ride going over there...fun drivingtimes (sumtimes)...fun car rules...fun games (sumtimes)...fun hesperia (pronounced hes-pee-ria…not hes-pe-ria)…we got there I think around midnite. rona needed a potty break so i went with her to the bathroom...where she ended up going into stall with an old lady in it. BWAAAAAAAAAAHA. that was funnie. so neways we were jus walkin around...did the ocean's eleven ending with the walking away from the water thing. bwaaahaa. then gp n francia wanted to go to excalibur and gamble so the youngns just kicked it somewhere in there...more interesting fun times...gp ended up losing more than he withdrawed from the atm...sadnesss...so we decided to eat..but there were no open buffets around...so we jus went to stateline and me n rona ate our tiny sausages n uglee eggs and pancakes in a big ass plate. bwaaaaha. we ended up giving our flipina waitress a big tip...without giving our other waiter any. that wasnt good. so we headed back home and had more fun singing games n stuff like det. i was too tired so i was kinda falling asleep but everyone else seemed too hyper still. but eventuallly everyone got tired.

friday, oct 31
we got back from vegas around 8:30am. thanx liwanag people for a memorable thursday nite! u guys are awesome! so then i took a quick shower and then rushed to my 9am class. i was kinda late but i still made it. after that i had to go to the post office to get money order, then i went to the bookstore to get me a sweatshirt, then went to my 11am class...12:30 class...2pm class...3-pm work. DUDENESS. i did all of this without naps or nething. well i was falling asleep in my lectures but those dont count. i cant believe i went to all my classes. im so cool. haha jk. i jus hate missing class. im a nerd like that. so i went back to the apt and i jus needed to crash. so took a 45minute nap. then im off to monster massive.

it was me, david, jay, arnie, and a bunch of arnie's buddies. we got to the rave around 9pm i think. it was my first rave so everything was new to me. it was interesting. i didnt drop so thats gud. i think. haha. ooh and dale n george were there too. and tall tiff and her friends. and a whole bunch oh uci people. so i dint rilly know how to dance to that kind of stuff and i was feelin kinda awkward. but then later on i felt like i was rollin too and i was getting high off sleep deprivation...or maybe it was because of all the stuff that i was inhaling around me...wutever it was there was point where i felt that i didnt care about nething...no worries...no nothing...jus dancing. interesting times. but then later on i rilly felt the tiredness and i couldnt stand the smoke n everything. so i went home with dale and george. dropped off george then me n dale got lee's sandwiches. yummmmy. had fun times with dale....aaww dale and his promiscuous ways. bwahahhaa. so got back around 4am...had to wake up chelle coz i dint have my keys on me (sorry roomiee). had insect surprises like a spider and a big ass cockroach. is that how u spell that? neways finally slept around 5...way too tired.

saturday, nov 1
woke up around 2pm...practically wasted half a day. did nothing at all. jus sat around n ate. sad fone conversation. david came over to drop off my purse and chilled for a lil bit then had to kick him out coz its group date time with cristina. woohoo. it was me, chelle, cristina, maritess, jason and francia...kfc dinner and a movie; life of david gale. interesting movie. i liked that. so we jus watched n chilled and finally got home around 1 sumtin. and then slept. dayum it felt so good to sleep so early. thanx cristina for picking us up! and thanx to maritess for bringing us home!

sunday, nov 2
woke up around 1pm. man that was the best sleep ive had since iont even know. and now its time to be productive. i think. ionow. we'll see. ooh thanx to chelle's dad tito dennis for cooking us some fried rice, eggs, and spam!

oh and happy birthday to tc and leo today!

so thats my sleep deprived week. u can actually survive without sleeping for how many days. yeahp its fun. especially those delirious moments. its like heaven. bwahaha jk. i think i should go back to sleep. sleep is good...sleep is fun....sleep is great...sleep is my best friend...sleep is awesome...sleep is alkjsaldasm,n,ab,moqi.....ZZzzzZZZzzZZ

stupid midterms. who invented midterms neway? man. sux to be me. but newayssssss...today was my typical busiest day...wednesday. its okai tho coz i wasnt as tired as i expected to be (since i dint sleep that well last nite). but the fun isnt over yet. paper due tomorrow. yesssss.

i would blog more about stuff but ill jus stick with the random song for the day. maybe ill blog again in a lil bit. peace.

Warrior Is A Child
Gary V.

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears
And they don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet
And they don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
And they don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
'Cause deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

hardcore week this week: two midterms wednesday and an article to talk about...essay thursday....sholarship essays by this weekend. im too tired.

so lately ive been rilly busy and always tired, but i like it coz it better boredom. im happy becoz i got wut i wished and prayed for...to be busy haha. its kind of a funny thing to wish for i know, but i have my reasons. its jus that wenever im not busy, i feel so useless and depressed coz i start thinking about things that make me even sadder. so being busy is gud becoz it means no worries....haha sorry if im not making sense.

im liking life rite now. i feel rilly happy wen im surrounded with people i love and enjoy spending time with. sumtimes i feel that i dont deserve all these awesome people in my life. i guess i can say im enjoying irvine, and i just wish everything can be perfect all the time. but i know it cant.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah i jus lost the post i wrote demnit! lets try to rewrite...

yay im blogging! finally! im gona try to update it more often now becoz i wana be cool like everyone else. yaaaay! so heres my life so far...

SCHOOL
im doing better than i expected! i got a nine out of ten in my first math quiz (when i thought i was gona get a 1) and i participated in my women's studies discussion (cookie for me) and ive been doing my readings (sumtoimes). school is cool. so far.

WORK
so ive been looking for a job since summer. but no one wanted me so i dint have a job...until this week! i went on four interviews and i got three job offers =). just wen i thought i was some useless piece of $#@!...they call me and tell me they wana hire me. :tears of joy: :sniff sniff snif:

WYSE (Women and Youth Supporting Each Other)
wyse is an orgnization that mentors twelve to fourteen yr old young girls. this year, im a mentor in the spurgeon middle school in santa ana. we've only been to two sessions with our girls and its been fun so far. we get to play games while getting to know them in a deeper level, so we can talk about issues that these girls need to be aware of (sex, drugs, family probs, school probs, peer pressure, future goals/plans, anything else). its kind of a weird feeling being somewhat of a "role model" for these girls coz i dont rilly feel worthy of being looked up to. sad but true. but ill still try.

ANNIV
happy fifteen months today. yehey.

FUN STUFF
sierra party here last nite. i volunteered to be the sober one (meaning the one who would have to deal with the cops in case they come knocking on our door) but i still had fun. it was nice to meet the adorable new sierrans and see old sierrans too. thanx to everyone who helped us fix up the apartment and clean and look after people and stuff like that. you know who you are. you're da bomb diggity.

LIWANAG (light of god)
i jus joined liwanag this year and i can already see how amazing these people are. i didnt think i was gona stick with it till i came to their meetings n bonfire n homeless outreach. these people are seriously the most welcoming group of people ive ever met. i cant even express how happy i am to be part of it. i jus wish i joined it earlier (but i couldnt coz of sierra class last year). theyre so awesome its not even funnie. haha. cristina n leo are the coolest directors this year. my tdg family (true disciples) rocks (go mom francha). and everyone else is great. liwanag is the coolest thing ever.

life does not suck as much as before. thank you god for listening to me =).

too many heartaches bottled up inside
i dont even wana bother let it all out coz it seems pointless
ill jus end up crying my eyes out
but hey theres jus some people who make it all better even for jus a short while
they dont know how much laughter means to me
it feels great
but sometimes
i jus need to do my own thing
i need to be stronger
i need faith
well...i need to chillax
but i cant
so wat am i supposed to do?
i don't know
maybe i should cry some more
haha
nope
i need to hold on and believe
yeah rite
thats bullshit
wutever
ionow
we'll see wut happens
rite now
i jus need to do my shit
that's all
gnite

Think Of Me
by Mark Schultz & Rachel Lampa

Packing my bag this morning was the hardest thing to do,
But packing my bag was so easy compared to standing outside your door
right now to say goodbye,

Think of me...
I know you've never seen me cry,
Think of me...
But it's so hard to say goodbye,
Think of me...
what can I say to show you,
I'll never give up on you
I will be waiting for you

I will be there when you call
I will see you through it all
and even in your darkest hour,
I pray that the Lord we found
Will set you on solid ground

I know that it feels like leaving
is a part of letting go
But I'm praying with hope and believing
That I'll see you once again down this road
I hope that it won't be long

Think of me...
I know God brought you as a friend,
Think of me...
I know he'll bring you back again,
Think of me...
What can I say to show you,
I"ll never give up on you
I will be waiting for you

I will be there when you call
I will see you through it all
and even in your darkest hour,
I pray that the Lord we found
Will set you on solid ground

Think of me...
I know you've never seen me cry
Think of me...
But it's so hard to say goodbye
Think of me...
What can I say to show you
I'll never give up on you
I will be waiting for you

I will be there when you call
I will see you through it all
and even in your darkest hour,
I pray that the Lord we found
Will set you on solid ground

Interesting thought that my professor in my Psych class said:

"Happiness is the process of not being afraid of unhappiness."

What do u think? Very true.

last week i felt loike $#@!
this week i feel much better
how did that happen?
i dealt with it.

oooh yah

July 18, 2003

HAPPY ONE YEAR HUN =)

July 17, 2003

Maroon 5
Counting Crows
John Mayer

Funtoimes.

And once again, another quote of the day from Sue:

XchopYsueyZ (2:00:24 PM): i wanna be home w/ my girls
XchopYsueyZ (2:00:29 PM): loike real girls
XchopYsueyZ (2:00:31 PM): not wannabe girls

Convo of the day with Chelle:

i am meechy keen (5:43:40 PM): i hate this summer
Buthafly (5:44:45 PM): i know it sux
Buthafly (5:44:51 PM): theres nuttin to do
i am meechy keen (5:44:56 PM): seriously
i am meechy keen (5:45:00 PM): i have NO:
i am meechy keen (5:45:02 PM): job
i am meechy keen (5:45:09 PM): fun
i am meechy keen (5:45:12 PM): books
i am meechy keen (5:45:15 PM): license
i am meechy keen (5:45:16 PM): boy
i am meechy keen (5:45:20 PM): sleep
i am meechy keen (5:45:28 PM): food
i am meechy keen (5:45:39 PM): even though i shouldnt have the food
i am meechy keen (5:45:40 PM): lol
i am meechy keen (5:45:43 PM): NO:
i am meechy keen (5:45:45 PM): gym
i am meechy keen (5:45:49 PM): money
i am meechy keen (5:45:52 PM): man o man
i am meechy keen (5:45:55 PM): i have nothing
i am meechy keen (5:45:56 PM): nothing
i am meechy keen (5:45:57 PM): nothing
Buthafly (5:46:02 PM): bwhahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahaha
i am meechy keen (5:46:05 PM): if i dont have u

guess who got her license today?!?!?!?!?

XchopYsueyZ (1:31:15 PM): i just wish i could find one straight boy for me n the rest of the world can be gay

And yes, I'm still alive!

the last few weeks of school have been crazy. foinals and all that crap: over!

the very last week of school was fun interesting toimes all the toime. yeaaahp. fun interesting toimes indeed.

move out day was the worst day. sierra has been one of the greatest things that has happened to me, and leaving was one of the hardest things i've ever done. i'll miss you all. we need to party hardcore next yr!

so neways, this summer i wana be productive. summer school, summer job, volunteer. yeahp thats roite. u think i can do it? of course i can. i think. we'll see.

thanx sue.

demnit i need to blog

Complicated Melody
by
India Arie

If he were a color
He'd be a deep dark forest green
If he were a car
He'd be a long stretch limousine
With room for all of humanity inside

Cause he is so giving
And he is so wise
If he were a number
He'd be a five
Cause he has such a brilliant mind
If he were an animal
He'd be an ass
Cause he's so stubborn sometime
But if he were a song
He'd be a complicated melody
That complicated fellow he
I almost cannot sing it on key
But he means the world to me
If he were a building
He'd be a beautiful cathedral
Cause he's so traditionally spiritual
If he were a dance
He'd be complicated like the tango
Exotic like a mango
But if he were a song
He'd be a complicated melody
That complicated fellow he
I almost cannot sing it on key
But he means the world to me
He ain't the reason for the sun and the moon
He is just the reason for this here tune
Cause he means the world to me
Said he means the world to me
Me me me yeah
He means the world to me yeah
Complicated melody that complicated fellow he
He's complicated melody
I almost cannot sing it on key

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

My Mother Taught Me...

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL . "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM . "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about PATIENCE. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14.My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. " Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP . "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. " Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite : my mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

______________________________________________________________________________________________________
The Best Things In Loife (highlighted ones are extra special to me)

> 1. Falling in love.
>
> 2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
>
> 3. A hot shower.
>
> 4. No lines at the supermarket.
>
> 5. A special glance.
>
> 6. Getting mail.
>
> 7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
>
> 8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
>
> 9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
>
> 10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
>
> 11. Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price.
>
> 12. Chocolate milkshake (or vanilla!) (or strawberry).
>
> 13. A long distance phone call.
>
> 14. A bubble bath.
>
> 15. Giggling.
>
> 16. A good conversation.
>
> 17. The beach.
>
> 18. Finding a $20 bill in your coat from last winter.
>
> 19. Laughing at yourself.
>
> 20. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
>
> 21. Running through sprinklers.
>
> 22. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
>
> 23. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
>
> 24. Laughing at an inside joke.
>
> 25. Friends.
>
> 26. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
>
> 27. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
>
> 28. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
>
> 29. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
>
> 30. Playing with a new puppy.
>
> 31. Having someone play with your hair.
>
> 32. Sweet dreams.
>
> 33. Hot chocolate.
>
> 34. Road trips with friends.
>
> 35. Swinging on swings.
>
> 36. Eating cookies and drinking your favorite hot toddy.
>
> 37. Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid.
>
> 38. Going to a really good concert.
>
> 39. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
>
> 40. Winning a really competitive game.
>
> 41. Making chocolate chip cookies.
>
> 42. Having your friends send you home-made cookies.
>
> 43. Spending time with close friends.
>
> 44. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends.
>
> 45. Holding hands with someone you care about.
>
> 46. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
>
> 47. Riding the best roller coasters over and over.
>
> 48. Watching the __expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
>
> 49. Watching the sunrise.
>
>50. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.

saturday morning...main library...tide and noczema...no "thirteen!"...west covina...opppps....tito ruben ninong boy manang tita ching haaahaaaa... always and forever aaww...stupid islands waiter...tour around irvine..till the spectrum...prom flashbacks...go lakers woooh...massages...studytoime...no in and out dinner...just a trader joe's one...still no "thirteen!"......no more tears.

thanx for another fun weekend =).

Sue's line for the day:

XchopYsueyZ (9:53:13 AM): im thinkin 2 things... im loike... wtf? he's prolee lying... den im loike.. wtf is wrong w/ me? y can't i befriend anyone straight?

spring break is oveeer demnit. =(

wow this has been a very rare day...a day when i have nothing due tomorroooow woohooooo i feel freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. it seems so nice to finally feel so light with no worries or anything like that. i mean know i still have a lot of stuff to deal with later on. but rite now i jus wana sit and jus breathe. ive been busy for the past couple of weeks and i havent rilly had time to jus breathe. and would anyone believe me if i say there was a point when i couldnt even talk on the fone for 2 nights in a row coz i was BUSY? well, its true. and it sucked. big time. i promise. i swear. heehee.

i jus had a fun convo with my mom tonite. it was the usual...

mom: o anak. why arent u sleeping yet?
me: mom its 8:30.
mom: oh eh dont u have class tomorrow
me: yeah
mom: o did u eat yet?
me: uhuh
mom: wut did u eat?
me: chicken...kiev
mom: ano yon?
me: heehee iono sumtin chicken
mom: mmmhm...o sleep ka na
me: okai
mom: gudnite anak..i lab u
me: luv u too mom

nothing special, but jus fun. we talked about other things and she was jus being funnie. its weird coz i was the one who called her this time (yeah coz shes the one who calls me usually ...wait not usually...she's the one who calls me everyday). so yeah i called my mom and she was fun. haha. she was being like a mom and a friend. it was nice. i jus wish its always like that.

writing 39C sux....calc rules

school suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuux

yay new blooooooooog wahoooo. thanx to shelley chelle...i mite change it again but we'll see...its still under construction so ima fix the links n stuff soon. yaay.

JANUARY 3, 2003

happy 19th birthday to me! man i cant believe i only have one teen year left. im old waaaaah. i dont know if i would still like having birthdays after this one. haha. im technically everyone's ate...and also a craddle-rockin cray-z cress. grrreaat. but newaysss, the idea of having to spend my birthday in school, on the first day of classes is not new to me (coz it's been like that for the past 3-4 years). so i thought my special day was gona suck like a duck. but i was wrong. on thursday, january 2 at 11:30ish pm, i got a call from a special hane telling me to look out my window and see the best surprise ever (well it wasnt rilly a surprise...it was a semi-surprise i guess heehee). that jus made my day like u dont even know =).

so the next day, my real birthday, i felt so blessed to know that a lot of people actually remembered my birthday. you guys are the best i swear! i wana thank everyone who came here to celebrate my special day with me: chang, bel, maria, mari, (shar we miss u soo much), keith, sue, gladys, cool fartnah, my zeezter, and hane. even though we didnt get to go to stupid pat n oscar's, islands was still great because u guys jus made it so special. thank you! we should have more funtimes like that (i know sue and cool fartnah had funtimes after dinner with the help of my sister tsk tsk). oooh and chelle makes the best cake ever...and mmhhmmm it is better than sex. oh no wait i wouldnt know. only chelle would. thanx roomate!

again, thanx so much to everyone who greeted me u guys r the bestest. i luv u!

the next day i was supposed to go home...but me, sister, hun, and sue ate at ihop first. then it was time to go home =(. said our see u laters, got home, went to church =), went out for dinner, and finally got home and had...

THE TALK with my mom. this time it was foreal. everything was said. and i mean everything. there was no point of hiding nething anymore. it wasnt very pretty. but i got through it. it wasnt a succesful talk either coz nothing got settled. it was more of a revelation of feelings and differences. or maybe a realization that i can never win or even compromise with her. it was a disagreement where eveyrthing was jus put out there, left there hanging, because there seems to be no solution. that was the low point of my day. right after my birthday too wahoo. so now the only question ive been asking myself is: what the hell am i supposed to do?

so yeah, im doomed forever because i dont think she'll let me out of the house ever again. good timing rite? yup. its great =/.

jogging is funtimes all the time. i luv every minute of it =).

I NEED TO CHANGE MY TEMPLATE DAMNIT SOMEONE HELP ME!

OMG yes im alive! i know i know i havent blogged for the longest time. its all college’s fault. yup...college...a very interesting time of my life. well i guess i can say im liking college. well actually i just like the freedom, not the studying part. ive only experienced 3-4 months of college life and i feel like ive learned a lot. and i mean a lot a lot. haha. yuppp thats rite. i learned that....

1) i can actually survive without my mom doing everything for me.
2) if you have 12-14 units...you have to study 36-42 hours a week.
3) college is a time wehn you experiment or try different things...so the stupid things that you dont count because you’re jus experimenting rite?
4) i learned a lot more things...but id rather not share haha

December 9-13
so finals came and i tried to do my best...but i guess it didnt rilly work...ah wutever. that week was funtimes all the time neway =).

December 13
watched the lion king! i liked it and actually appreciated every single aspect of the play...unlike some people who just dont get it. tsk tsk tsk. i wanted to be in a musical after watching it heeheeeee.

December 14-22
- driving week..bleh
- 18th —> =) got the best origami creation haha
- found out my permit isnt valid...daaaamn dmv
- chill week....yaaaaay =)
- shopping week...wahoo
- two weeks notice.. aaaww
- tiffany’s gift from mom...grreat

December 22-23
skt sleepover at sue’s! awww i luv my girls...the best part was sunday night...wen we all exchanged gifts (i love all my gifts thanx again u guys) and jus talked and talked and talked and of course talked some more. im thankful for being so blessed to have a group of friends who i know i can trust. thanx u guys. we’re so cool haha. shar we miss u come back!

saw more people the next day...aww i miss seeing familiar faces...for those who came to sue’s house u guys rock wahoo.

December 24
went to the dmv to finally fix my godamn permit problem..then chilled at hun’s house in the morning...yaaay thanx to ur mom for feeding me once again. went home...took a long nap.... and then midnite mass..then lola’s house for christmas dinner! yummmy.

December 25
tita’s house in walnut...food..food...food...and money wahooo.....charades with cousins and titas bwhahahahahahaha that was the best.

December 26-27
i went “jogging with sue.” =) sue ur the best i owe u. remember ur not number 2...ur ur 1.5 =) santa monica aww it was so perty and sunny i luved it...and once again...thanx to ur mom hun for feeding me.

SO YEAH...so far my break isnt so bad i guess. well actually, i dunno. i havent rilly been very enthusiastic at home. maybe sumtimes. when im out, thats definitely happy times for me. so yeah. i duno. i miss my freedom. i guess thats one of the reasons why i wana go back to irvine. i want my freedom back. but then again, going back to school means no more fun “jogging” times. =(. makes me sad. feels like the end of summer all over again. but i guess ill jus have to deal. coz wut else can i do. *sigh*

i feel like blogging. but i dont have all my thoughts organized yet. ima be bloggin soon. i hope. something that makes sense for once. so watch out.

QUOTE OF THE DAY FROM SUE

XchopYsueyZ (2:26:05 PM): maybe i'll be happier if i turn homo.

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wow im alive yaaaay. so i havent blogged in awhile. sowee about that. ive been busy with school and stuff that i havent even been reading other people's blogs nemore. but now im not gona be as stressed coz i finally dropped my programming class wahoo. i felt so good after i dropped it...it was like...like...like...heaven. bwhahahha no. so now i dunno wut i wana major in nemore. im lost. im confused. im a bum. oh well. sux to be me.

this week has been perty arite. im liking sierra more n more each day. its hella fun here....but sometimes its too much...wahaha no jk. but i like it here a lot. the people here are too cool wahoooo.

im missing everyone more n more each day too. yeah everyone. if ur reading this, ur prolly part of "everyone." i miss kickin it with my girls =(. but its all gud. we all better kick it soon...which is iono...thanksgiving break? or christmas. hellz yah.

okai thats all for now coz im getting sleepy. sleepytime for me. this weekend was too tiring for me. a good kind of tiring. i had major funtimes =).

I scored a 17% on the "How Much Asian Pride Do You Have?" Quizie! What about you?

bwhahahahaahahaaa

yay i just had my first weekend in irvine! wahoooooooooooo. friday nite went clubbin...then party here in sierra..yaaay. and yes, im very very sorry if thats my way of having fun here. ill try not to have fun if that makes u happy.

wahhahaahhahaha im jez keddeng!

so midterms r coming.....im screwed.....like u dont even know...but wutever.....wut can i do...oh actually i can study...thats one plan... hmmm.....maybe i should huh...okai fine....studytime....blog again later.

oh hey wuts the date today? hmmm...is there's sumtin special bout today?...naaaah nm i dont think so. =)

man i havent blogged foreal since i got here. oh well sux to be me. theres jus nothing that interesting to blog about...at least nothing that i would wana share to everyone. oh well. now sux to be u. waaaha no. okai time for randomness....

so i hate college. well not rilly. sometimes. i like the fact that...
1) it's mom-free
2) i can do wutever i want
3) i can have as much naptimes as i want
4) somehow...theres always food somewhere here...not good food but its still food
5) no helicopters to wake me up every morning
6) my hall: funtimes

BUT i don't like the fact that...
1) it's not home =(

so yeah...i miss LA...and my house.

but sometimes it sux...coz whenever i come home...i feel like im jus visiting...coz half of my stuff's not there...and i know that id be back in irvine the next day. special thanx to kat for making me feel this way. =(

oh yeah and i hate the fact that i dont get programming. shyet.

but wutever. im still adjusting i guess. im in a wutever mood rite now. so wutever. waaaha okai ima shuttup. no wait. i was gona say sumtin. but i forgot. hmmm...oh shit i jus saw a black butterfly outside my window rite now. doesnt that mean sumtin bad? waaah im scurred.

okai top 10 randomness...
1) my mom's bein extra nice to me these days it's RILLY scary
2) the line that i hear at least 10 times everyday here..."get off the fone cressa!!!!!!"
3) programming can be fun if i actually get it
4) finally everyone in SKT is legal wahoo
5) i have a midterm on halloween....dundundauunnnnn
6) chelle made me steal food from the commons
7) chelle loves boys with the same letters in their name
8) i have a new best friend named BIG D
9) no one ever sleeps in this friggin hall
10) I DO MY HOMEWORK DAMNIT

okai enough for now.

someone help me with my computer science programming skills...coz i dont have any.

college sucks. sometimes. ima die in my computer science class. someone help me? waah.

my mom hasnt called me in two days. im scared.

man i need to update. but im too lazy. basically school's been eeeh coz of friggin hw. but i like it here in sierra (my hall) coz everyone's so fun. woohoo. i had fun this weekend. yaay for bel on saturday woohoo heehee. i had fun. had to go back to irvine saturday nite. and yeah. best weekend ever haha. except for some parts. sux. but wutever. life goes on. and its time to do homework.